Hijack
Don't question my authority or put me in the docks
Cuzimnot
cuzimnot
All hail to the thief
All hail to the thief
BUT I'M NOT
I hate Bush. And Koizumi.
So Life is existing and all of that wonderful emptiness. What's with the war theme? Interesting. I hadn't noticed.
I am currently in a state of enlightened rambling, so if you're not up for it run!
Nevermind, a lot of my energy was just wasted on an e-mail intented on informing people of my continued state of existence.
I was just wondering: have you guys heard about those three japanese people that are being held hostage in Iraq? One of them was the student council president of THIS SCHOOL when I arrived here. He's a really nice, really great guy and I personally am actually quite worried about him, even though probably the most we've ever said was Hello. His name is Noriaki Imai (stations keep mis-printing it as "Naoki" which is a girl's name), and he is only 18 years old, but has already written a book. He went to Iraq to help with relief efforts and to gather information on , to my understanding, the effects of Uranium weapons or the lives of people in countries affected by Uranium weapons, but in any case not for any hostile reasons and certainly not in support of the situation in Iraq. And he has actually already organized and founded an NGO or non-governmental organization, oh , here's a segment of an article on the issue; "Imai is a member of a group trying to raise awareness about the health hazards facing civilians in Iraq from depleted uranium munitions used by US troops. Another hostage, 34-year-old Nahoko Takato, worked with street children in the war-torn country." - the scotsman.com or some such nonsense. In any case, he's a really great kid and I'm quite worried so if any of you pray...
Hmmm... So all that I've been able to do on the matter so far is sign some petition and fold paper cranes--- and you should see how many paper cranes. There are thousands of them hanging in the atrium. And this is his NGO website: http://members.jcom.home.ne.jp/no_du_sapporo/
So anyway, that's all I have to say for now.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
The Bad Sleep
I had this really horrible nightmare two nights ago. I can't remember how it started, but I ended up in this hangar, like for airplanes, only it was inside a giant airplane... and I couldn't see any actual airplanes within the airplane.... sorry, that's really confusing. Just imagine a floating hangar. There was me, my mother, this girl that I knew in the dream but not in reality, and this other guy who doesn't exist. We were all sort of dressed-up strangely. My mother and the guy, who I will refer to as "the baron", were like commanders in a war. I was, to my horror, a pilot. This dream was one of those almost-lucid dreams, where you sort of fall out of the character that you are in the dream and start having real-life emotions. So my mother is explaining to me and this girl our mission, and where we have to fly and drop bombs and where the enemies will be etc, and all the while I'm really excited. But all of the sudden it was like my real consciousness was thrust into my dream body and I realized that I could die. And then I was completely horrified and the next thing I remember was flying through those black clouds of bombs that had already gone off, then I woke up. But it was really scary. I hate War
I had this really horrible nightmare two nights ago. I can't remember how it started, but I ended up in this hangar, like for airplanes, only it was inside a giant airplane... and I couldn't see any actual airplanes within the airplane.... sorry, that's really confusing. Just imagine a floating hangar. There was me, my mother, this girl that I knew in the dream but not in reality, and this other guy who doesn't exist. We were all sort of dressed-up strangely. My mother and the guy, who I will refer to as "the baron", were like commanders in a war. I was, to my horror, a pilot. This dream was one of those almost-lucid dreams, where you sort of fall out of the character that you are in the dream and start having real-life emotions. So my mother is explaining to me and this girl our mission, and where we have to fly and drop bombs and where the enemies will be etc, and all the while I'm really excited. But all of the sudden it was like my real consciousness was thrust into my dream body and I realized that I could die. And then I was completely horrified and the next thing I remember was flying through those black clouds of bombs that had already gone off, then I woke up. But it was really scary. I hate War
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Let us lay in the Sun and count every beautiful thing that we see
I hate to rave about the mountains so much, but seriously! If you have not yet seen real mountains in your lifetime, leave your house, find a car and drive to the Rockies! Now!
Now that that's out of the way, today is another beautiful day in Sapporo. One slightly strange thing that I've noticed is that the sky never seems to turn completely blue. Only in random patches.
I went for a walk in the woods the day before yesterday, and all the snow has been melting lately, which is sort of a problem, because it makes the snow in the woods very soft, so you immediately fall through 3 ft. of it as soon as you put your foot down. But underneath the snow, everything is still green. Isn't that weird? Plants in Japan don't die in winter, just get covered in feet of snow and continue to live.
I also got some really cool pictures that day that I hope to send at some point.
I hate to rave about the mountains so much, but seriously! If you have not yet seen real mountains in your lifetime, leave your house, find a car and drive to the Rockies! Now!
Now that that's out of the way, today is another beautiful day in Sapporo. One slightly strange thing that I've noticed is that the sky never seems to turn completely blue. Only in random patches.
I went for a walk in the woods the day before yesterday, and all the snow has been melting lately, which is sort of a problem, because it makes the snow in the woods very soft, so you immediately fall through 3 ft. of it as soon as you put your foot down. But underneath the snow, everything is still green. Isn't that weird? Plants in Japan don't die in winter, just get covered in feet of snow and continue to live.
I also got some really cool pictures that day that I hope to send at some point.
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Answers to Clyde's e-mail, and therefore probably a lot of your questions as well
1. Pertaining to rules:
Yes, most of the rules that I have are still in effect, such as not being able to use e-mail or call people etc... But most if not all of the other ones have seemingly disappeared. Now I'm allowed to associate with fellow exchange students and go out pretty much whenever I want wherever I want.
2. Am I staying with this host family:
At the moment, yes. We had a discussion and a few of the problems were ironed out. JFIE, my exchange program, wants me to stay. Whereas the people in charge of the exchanges at the school want me to change host families. So irregardless of whether I want to switch host families or not, the school is still looking for new hosts for me. It won't be a problem, because the application forms dispensed to the students of the school do not contain information about the exchange students until after the host family has been varified. Plus I'm still only technically with this host family until June 30th, so that could also be a good reason to switch host families.
3. What are the other exchange students like:
Currently there are 3 other exchange students. Two boys, one girl. The first boy is Greg. He has a face that is always red, is fairly chubby, and has green-blue eyes. He likes alcohol and pornography. We normally wouldn't get along very well, but being white in an asian world does strange things to people. The second boy is Nigel. He has blonde hair, a cleft lip and green eyes. His face is also always red. (Isn't that strange? I don't think it's a very common trait...) He likes soccer and singing.....badly. He also likes alcohol. Both the guys are kind of immature and always thinking about sex, but too self-conscious and childish to actually do anything about it. And they both think they could "get any girl in the school". Riiiight.
The third is the saving grace of the exchange program. Debbie and I have very similar interests and a similar japanese skill level. She's a Chinese-canadian and is 16 years old. We'll probably be going to the gackt concert together. We also have both joined the same clubs: badminton and art.
4. This is a whole bunch of questions, so bear (sp?) with me.
I'm painting some random boring painting that I can't keep control of in art club, not that picture. (cough) It probably would be horrible to be a writer, but I don't think I would regret anything I wrote. Right now I'm living in a sort of suburb that I think only exists in Japan. It's like straight out of a TV show, with all of the houses sort of elevated on what seems like piles of stones. But houses in Japan are quite small. Everything is small in Japan. I sing in both english and in japanese while in Japan, but in karaoke mostly japanese (the opportunity is too good to pass up). You (clyde) would probably have to write quite a lot of long rambling e-mails to make me stop reading them, as they're quite enjoyable. As for reading the little prince in french: yes I did. London.... mmm sounds good. Remember how my mother said she wanted to move us all (my family) to britain for a year? Even if I was in university? I did read Winnie the pooh as a child, and no it was not that horrible disney version. I do identify fairly strongly with my name, but lately I've gotten nothing but Ri-A-Mu, so I can't say that it's impossible for me to identify with another. No, I don't have any idea how different I am than I was a month ago, I've been inside my head the whole time. Pouting is a word. I do actually fancy a cup of tea, and I'm drinking some as I type. (not as we speak, as I originally wrote) If you stopped liking B&S, then that would mean you had given up on life, which would mean you were at least 30 years of age, and so do not have to worry about it for at least 13 years. No. Wait. 12!
1. Pertaining to rules:
Yes, most of the rules that I have are still in effect, such as not being able to use e-mail or call people etc... But most if not all of the other ones have seemingly disappeared. Now I'm allowed to associate with fellow exchange students and go out pretty much whenever I want wherever I want.
2. Am I staying with this host family:
At the moment, yes. We had a discussion and a few of the problems were ironed out. JFIE, my exchange program, wants me to stay. Whereas the people in charge of the exchanges at the school want me to change host families. So irregardless of whether I want to switch host families or not, the school is still looking for new hosts for me. It won't be a problem, because the application forms dispensed to the students of the school do not contain information about the exchange students until after the host family has been varified. Plus I'm still only technically with this host family until June 30th, so that could also be a good reason to switch host families.
3. What are the other exchange students like:
Currently there are 3 other exchange students. Two boys, one girl. The first boy is Greg. He has a face that is always red, is fairly chubby, and has green-blue eyes. He likes alcohol and pornography. We normally wouldn't get along very well, but being white in an asian world does strange things to people. The second boy is Nigel. He has blonde hair, a cleft lip and green eyes. His face is also always red. (Isn't that strange? I don't think it's a very common trait...) He likes soccer and singing.....badly. He also likes alcohol. Both the guys are kind of immature and always thinking about sex, but too self-conscious and childish to actually do anything about it. And they both think they could "get any girl in the school". Riiiight.
The third is the saving grace of the exchange program. Debbie and I have very similar interests and a similar japanese skill level. She's a Chinese-canadian and is 16 years old. We'll probably be going to the gackt concert together. We also have both joined the same clubs: badminton and art.
4. This is a whole bunch of questions, so bear (sp?) with me.
I'm painting some random boring painting that I can't keep control of in art club, not that picture. (cough) It probably would be horrible to be a writer, but I don't think I would regret anything I wrote. Right now I'm living in a sort of suburb that I think only exists in Japan. It's like straight out of a TV show, with all of the houses sort of elevated on what seems like piles of stones. But houses in Japan are quite small. Everything is small in Japan. I sing in both english and in japanese while in Japan, but in karaoke mostly japanese (the opportunity is too good to pass up). You (clyde) would probably have to write quite a lot of long rambling e-mails to make me stop reading them, as they're quite enjoyable. As for reading the little prince in french: yes I did. London.... mmm sounds good. Remember how my mother said she wanted to move us all (my family) to britain for a year? Even if I was in university? I did read Winnie the pooh as a child, and no it was not that horrible disney version. I do identify fairly strongly with my name, but lately I've gotten nothing but Ri-A-Mu, so I can't say that it's impossible for me to identify with another. No, I don't have any idea how different I am than I was a month ago, I've been inside my head the whole time. Pouting is a word. I do actually fancy a cup of tea, and I'm drinking some as I type. (not as we speak, as I originally wrote) If you stopped liking B&S, then that would mean you had given up on life, which would mean you were at least 30 years of age, and so do not have to worry about it for at least 13 years. No. Wait. 12!
Monday, March 08, 2004
What should I do?
Okay kids, serious decision making time. To be perfectly honest, I am despising this host family at the moment. But that's just the problem, I go back and forth from hating to enjoying.
Here are my reasons for wanting to leave:
A)I am restricted from all communication with the outside world at this locale.
B)I do not appreciate my host sister (at best), am uneasy around my host father, and am becoming uncomfortable with my host mother.
C)I am not allowed to go out by myself
D)I am not allowed to go out with other exchange students
E)I am not allowed to contact other exchange students
F)They have given me alcohol (which I enjoyed, but which is still against the rules)
G)They're really fucking weird
H)Yesterday morning, my host father actually hit me with some pamphlet (It didn't hurt, but he HIT me, unprovoked)
*I will give further details on this incident below
I)They consistently force me to hang around them, which is not something I always want to do.
J)I am just overall constantly feeling negative and uncomfortable.
K)Today the mother asked me if I was a man, and yesterday they seemed offended when I told them I didn't like sports.
L)They are constantly whispering and talking about me while I am present
M)Thus far there have been around 6 argument-like discussions in which I am singled out and ganged up on with feined attempts at "communication" (aka bullying in a foreign language)
I don't feel like writing this anymore.
Reasons for wanting to stay:
A)I am more or less settled here
B)I don't want this to be ruined
C)I am nervous/afraid of contacting the group
D)I like the non-family people that I am around
E)I don't know where I would go, and I have exchange student friends here
F)I have a really nice Japanese teacher who sympathizes with me
Okay, so what happened yesterday, with the whole hitting thing: In the morning, I felt like doing something. And, as I don't like the host sister, I asked if I could call Debbie (another exchange student), the two parents looked back and forth "okay" said the mom, and walked away. The father stared off into the distance. Silence. I asked once more if it was okay, in case he didn't hear me. "Chotto matte (wait a sec)" he said. Okay. He walks into the living room, and goes to get the the group rulebook. I am FUCKING SICK of the the group rulebook, as I have seen it no fewer than 5 times so far. I say "nevermind, iiyo iiyo" and walk away to go resume studying my japanese. He continues to fiddle with the book and the mother comes into the room. "Nani suru no? (what are you doing?)" she says. They babble, and she comes and sits on the couch across from me. "Why do you want to talk to Debbie (translated, as the text from here on will be)?" "Because she's my friend" "Oh, is that why?" More innane babble between parents. "It's okay, nevermind!" I say, becoming quite thoroughly frustrated. "Are you okay?" says mother. "I'm fine. Nevermind" She walks away. Next thing I know, I'm being hit in the head. "Here! Look!" says the father. I am thoroughly confused as to why I have been struck with a booklet.
He points at rule #9, which is as follows: "Students should refrain from contacting other exchange students while on exchange, except for during the group activities (which do not actually exist) such as summer camp, etc. (does not exist). However, contact by the phone, the e-mail and the letter are allowed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that say I can talk to people on the phone? AND e-mail them? Apparently, it does not translate the same way.
"Okay okay" I say, as I no longer care and am extremely frustrated and eager to get back to my studies.
Me and host sister go see a movie, which I add costed $13, and when I return yet another meeting is called. It turns out, father got angry because mother got angry. Mother got angry because she felt that I was not taking her "communication" seriously. From now on, the new rule is that I must take communication seriously, and look in their eyes when they talk to me.
...............what .............the....................fuck!?
And today when I got home, my host mother asked me if I was a man. Because she thought I was between a man and a woman. As I have no sexual preference, I deem this to be more or less accurate. But I concede to being a man so as not to provoke further incident. Now I must "train" and become a "good man"....... Because I am feminine? Talk about an uncomfortable situation. Commentary please? I hope to make a decision about this over the next three days at the latest.
Okay kids, serious decision making time. To be perfectly honest, I am despising this host family at the moment. But that's just the problem, I go back and forth from hating to enjoying.
Here are my reasons for wanting to leave:
A)I am restricted from all communication with the outside world at this locale.
B)I do not appreciate my host sister (at best), am uneasy around my host father, and am becoming uncomfortable with my host mother.
C)I am not allowed to go out by myself
D)I am not allowed to go out with other exchange students
E)I am not allowed to contact other exchange students
F)They have given me alcohol (which I enjoyed, but which is still against the rules)
G)They're really fucking weird
H)Yesterday morning, my host father actually hit me with some pamphlet (It didn't hurt, but he HIT me, unprovoked)
*I will give further details on this incident below
I)They consistently force me to hang around them, which is not something I always want to do.
J)I am just overall constantly feeling negative and uncomfortable.
K)Today the mother asked me if I was a man, and yesterday they seemed offended when I told them I didn't like sports.
L)They are constantly whispering and talking about me while I am present
M)Thus far there have been around 6 argument-like discussions in which I am singled out and ganged up on with feined attempts at "communication" (aka bullying in a foreign language)
I don't feel like writing this anymore.
Reasons for wanting to stay:
A)I am more or less settled here
B)I don't want this to be ruined
C)I am nervous/afraid of contacting the group
D)I like the non-family people that I am around
E)I don't know where I would go, and I have exchange student friends here
F)I have a really nice Japanese teacher who sympathizes with me
Okay, so what happened yesterday, with the whole hitting thing: In the morning, I felt like doing something. And, as I don't like the host sister, I asked if I could call Debbie (another exchange student), the two parents looked back and forth "okay" said the mom, and walked away. The father stared off into the distance. Silence. I asked once more if it was okay, in case he didn't hear me. "Chotto matte (wait a sec)" he said. Okay. He walks into the living room, and goes to get the the group rulebook. I am FUCKING SICK of the the group rulebook, as I have seen it no fewer than 5 times so far. I say "nevermind, iiyo iiyo" and walk away to go resume studying my japanese. He continues to fiddle with the book and the mother comes into the room. "Nani suru no? (what are you doing?)" she says. They babble, and she comes and sits on the couch across from me. "Why do you want to talk to Debbie (translated, as the text from here on will be)?" "Because she's my friend" "Oh, is that why?" More innane babble between parents. "It's okay, nevermind!" I say, becoming quite thoroughly frustrated. "Are you okay?" says mother. "I'm fine. Nevermind" She walks away. Next thing I know, I'm being hit in the head. "Here! Look!" says the father. I am thoroughly confused as to why I have been struck with a booklet.
He points at rule #9, which is as follows: "Students should refrain from contacting other exchange students while on exchange, except for during the group activities (which do not actually exist) such as summer camp, etc. (does not exist). However, contact by the phone, the e-mail and the letter are allowed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that say I can talk to people on the phone? AND e-mail them? Apparently, it does not translate the same way.
"Okay okay" I say, as I no longer care and am extremely frustrated and eager to get back to my studies.
Me and host sister go see a movie, which I add costed $13, and when I return yet another meeting is called. It turns out, father got angry because mother got angry. Mother got angry because she felt that I was not taking her "communication" seriously. From now on, the new rule is that I must take communication seriously, and look in their eyes when they talk to me.
...............what .............the....................fuck!?
And today when I got home, my host mother asked me if I was a man. Because she thought I was between a man and a woman. As I have no sexual preference, I deem this to be more or less accurate. But I concede to being a man so as not to provoke further incident. Now I must "train" and become a "good man"....... Because I am feminine? Talk about an uncomfortable situation. Commentary please? I hope to make a decision about this over the next three days at the latest.
Thursday, March 04, 2004
Jibun no tokee / ????????v?@
Yesterday, I felt the pang of homesickness for the first time.?@All because of that CD that Clyde made for me. Extremely sadness-inducing, but excellent all the same. Oh well, it's only for five months. I can live. Even though now I'm not allowed to go for walks by myself. Why? Because it's DANGEROUS!!!! God only knows, some random salaryman walking down the street could look at me THREE times in stead of only TWO!
Whatever.
At the moment, it's snowing, that beautiful kind of snow that just sort of slowly glides to the ground. Japan is absolutely beautiful, almost beyond description. The other day I was walking out of school and down the path towards the busses and I turned, and saw the mountains from my school. There is an insanely beautiful view from my school. The clouds were fluffy and grey mixed with white, and there was one blocking the sun so that the light split into individual rays and shot out all around it. Over the mountains, across the vast spaces in between me and them, over the mountains it was just beginning to snow so that the lines were slightly blurred and everything was bathed in light. It was unreal. I felt like crying. The other kids rushed to the bus around me. Nobody saw. That is why Japan is insane. They . Did. Not. See.
That night I felt a little bit angry.
I hope you're all doing well. My e-mail has not been working from the school, and if it's not working tomorrow I'm just going to use it from here anyway and tell them that I'm sending pictures. The new exchange student is really nice, and at around the same level of japanese competence as I am, so it's been really good for me. Plus, we both like Gackt and art. Which is also good. It is necessary to have someone with whom to share obsessions.
The bakeries here are amazing. And cheap! It costs about $3 for two loafs of this amazingly yummy chocolate vanilla bread that is definitely of high quality. They make everything fresh and sell it low price. It's strange the things that cost a lot here and nothing there. And what's considered cool here and what's not.
Oh, and about how I thought everyone looked the same: they do. It was true. One would think that, in a school where your entire appearance EXCEPT for your hair is governed by the school, people would attempt to look unique... But alas, it is not true. All boys have the exact same hair. Boring.
Lol, and as a side-story, they all think that I'm a major bad-ass for having red in my hair. And my ears pierced? Girls aren't even allowed to do that here.
Hahahahahahahaha
Love
Yesterday, I felt the pang of homesickness for the first time.?@All because of that CD that Clyde made for me. Extremely sadness-inducing, but excellent all the same. Oh well, it's only for five months. I can live. Even though now I'm not allowed to go for walks by myself. Why? Because it's DANGEROUS!!!! God only knows, some random salaryman walking down the street could look at me THREE times in stead of only TWO!
Whatever.
At the moment, it's snowing, that beautiful kind of snow that just sort of slowly glides to the ground. Japan is absolutely beautiful, almost beyond description. The other day I was walking out of school and down the path towards the busses and I turned, and saw the mountains from my school. There is an insanely beautiful view from my school. The clouds were fluffy and grey mixed with white, and there was one blocking the sun so that the light split into individual rays and shot out all around it. Over the mountains, across the vast spaces in between me and them, over the mountains it was just beginning to snow so that the lines were slightly blurred and everything was bathed in light. It was unreal. I felt like crying. The other kids rushed to the bus around me. Nobody saw. That is why Japan is insane. They . Did. Not. See.
That night I felt a little bit angry.
I hope you're all doing well. My e-mail has not been working from the school, and if it's not working tomorrow I'm just going to use it from here anyway and tell them that I'm sending pictures. The new exchange student is really nice, and at around the same level of japanese competence as I am, so it's been really good for me. Plus, we both like Gackt and art. Which is also good. It is necessary to have someone with whom to share obsessions.
The bakeries here are amazing. And cheap! It costs about $3 for two loafs of this amazingly yummy chocolate vanilla bread that is definitely of high quality. They make everything fresh and sell it low price. It's strange the things that cost a lot here and nothing there. And what's considered cool here and what's not.
Oh, and about how I thought everyone looked the same: they do. It was true. One would think that, in a school where your entire appearance EXCEPT for your hair is governed by the school, people would attempt to look unique... But alas, it is not true. All boys have the exact same hair. Boring.
Lol, and as a side-story, they all think that I'm a major bad-ass for having red in my hair. And my ears pierced? Girls aren't even allowed to do that here.
Hahahahahahahaha
Love
Monday, March 01, 2004
Hmmmm
Happy leap year day! Or at least I think it should be by now there.... But I really don't understand time to whatever. Okay, it's 3 o clock in the morning there. Yes, it is 5 PM, and I am still at school. Why you ask? Because kids here often times have class until 7 PM!!!!! I'm pretty sure that the japanese are insane.
Oh, and I am no longer allowed to use e-mail from home. And I can't view blogs from the school computers, so I can't see anyone's replies... unless I can somehow convince my host family to allow me to use the internet at home.
Jeez, even now there're still at least 40 kids in the library studying. I'm the only one on the computer.
Wow, I just actually managed to help someone with there english. I like that... Hmm
Okay, so yes, sorry I was slightly distracted.
Oh yeah, so people here are officially insane. I'm inclined to believe that they don't know how to have fun anymore. Everyone is studying... The rule here is at least 4 hours a night. 4 HOURS A NIGHT! AND THEY DON'T LEAVE SCHOOL UNTIL 4 AT THE EARLIEST!!!
I'm hoping to get to that Gackt concert, as it is right here in Sapporo, so I'm thinking of trying to get my host mother to call Makomanai Ice Arena for me to find out how to get tickets... if there are tickets.... but of course there are tickets, right?
So I bought two CDs already, Crescent and Mizerable, both by Gackt. Ah... ?K?N?g?@..... It's so much fun to be able to actually write in japanese here.
Alright, this library is closing so I have to go. See ya!
Happy leap year day! Or at least I think it should be by now there.... But I really don't understand time to whatever. Okay, it's 3 o clock in the morning there. Yes, it is 5 PM, and I am still at school. Why you ask? Because kids here often times have class until 7 PM!!!!! I'm pretty sure that the japanese are insane.
Oh, and I am no longer allowed to use e-mail from home. And I can't view blogs from the school computers, so I can't see anyone's replies... unless I can somehow convince my host family to allow me to use the internet at home.
Jeez, even now there're still at least 40 kids in the library studying. I'm the only one on the computer.
Wow, I just actually managed to help someone with there english. I like that... Hmm
Okay, so yes, sorry I was slightly distracted.
Oh yeah, so people here are officially insane. I'm inclined to believe that they don't know how to have fun anymore. Everyone is studying... The rule here is at least 4 hours a night. 4 HOURS A NIGHT! AND THEY DON'T LEAVE SCHOOL UNTIL 4 AT THE EARLIEST!!!
I'm hoping to get to that Gackt concert, as it is right here in Sapporo, so I'm thinking of trying to get my host mother to call Makomanai Ice Arena for me to find out how to get tickets... if there are tickets.... but of course there are tickets, right?
So I bought two CDs already, Crescent and Mizerable, both by Gackt. Ah... ?K?N?g?@..... It's so much fun to be able to actually write in japanese here.
Alright, this library is closing so I have to go. See ya!
Saturday, February 28, 2004
The Neverending Day
I believe that that day must have been the strangest of my life thus far... Can you imagine following the sun around the world? During my entire 12 hour flight over the pacific ocean, the sun maintained the exact same position in the sky. As a result, I ended up not sleeping for a little over 30 hours. I almost missed the first flight from Toronto to Vancouver, and , consequentially, didn't get a chance to say good-bye to mom and Caitlin. Which was quite sad, but at the time I was slightly too excited to really care. I ended up not being able to meet that girl who was on the same flight as me headed to Osaka, since I was so late. But oh well, it didn't really matter anyway.
Thankfully, on the flight, I discovered that my fear of heights and planes is gone! It was so exciting to be up so high... The world is so beautiful from above. I got to see the Rockies! The ROCKIES! They were absolutely gorgeous.
And the plane ride from Vancouver to Japan was really, really long and relatively uneventful. I ended up seeing around 4 movies. But I was sitting next to this really nice Japanese girl who has lived in Montreal with her boyfriend for two years, so that was useful. Oh, and the first thing I saw in Japan? Some random mountains.... Second: MT FUJI!!! I got some okay pictures from the window of the plane which I will eventually send. Anyway, that's about it for right now... I think my host parents are waiting for me to go to bed to turn the alarm system on... So , good night... or ........morning. Whatever.
I believe that that day must have been the strangest of my life thus far... Can you imagine following the sun around the world? During my entire 12 hour flight over the pacific ocean, the sun maintained the exact same position in the sky. As a result, I ended up not sleeping for a little over 30 hours. I almost missed the first flight from Toronto to Vancouver, and , consequentially, didn't get a chance to say good-bye to mom and Caitlin. Which was quite sad, but at the time I was slightly too excited to really care. I ended up not being able to meet that girl who was on the same flight as me headed to Osaka, since I was so late. But oh well, it didn't really matter anyway.
Thankfully, on the flight, I discovered that my fear of heights and planes is gone! It was so exciting to be up so high... The world is so beautiful from above. I got to see the Rockies! The ROCKIES! They were absolutely gorgeous.
And the plane ride from Vancouver to Japan was really, really long and relatively uneventful. I ended up seeing around 4 movies. But I was sitting next to this really nice Japanese girl who has lived in Montreal with her boyfriend for two years, so that was useful. Oh, and the first thing I saw in Japan? Some random mountains.... Second: MT FUJI!!! I got some okay pictures from the window of the plane which I will eventually send. Anyway, that's about it for right now... I think my host parents are waiting for me to go to bed to turn the alarm system on... So , good night... or ........morning. Whatever.
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Walls and Gardens, Castles in the Sky
Well, let's see... I went downtown a lot, talked to Kaoru a lot. Missed people a lot. Life continues and moves and flows and is overall good. It seems like I never have anything to say on these things... so maybe I'll just start rambling. Currently, I am at Clyde's residence chewing gum from a gumball that surprisingly did fit in my mouth, while Clyde's was too big for her mouth.
Interesting quote: "No, it's just on and off they smell bad... and they vomit. Nobody really knows why..."
I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand . When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am. And in this sweet madness, this glorious sadness....
It's especially funny because everybody will read that first half, and then if they care at all they'll try to make inferences into my current mental state thinking that it's actually relevant, even though I only wrote it because I like it and was listening to it at the time. Maybe the second half applies though. I suppose the second half always applies.
I can't really imagine myself on that plane flying away. Not yet anyway. It seems like it'll be really lonely and somehow seperate from the rest of time... like I'll just be tucked away for a while until I can thaw out elsewhere. Somewhere very alien and stark where I'll always seem different. I'm not really worried about it, I can just imagine it happening really easily. It'll be interesting to see how it all works out. One week.
I wonder if time will still flow the same way.
I suppose at some point life will have to resume though.
And now, before it turns midnight and therefore tomorrow I wish Ashwini Persaud a very happy or at the very least bearable 18th birthday.
Sometimes it seems like life flows into all these bizarre corners that shouldn't really exist in your particular life, and that you're feeling emotions that don't even belong to you. They always feel like they're really detached, but sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one that ever feels that way. And yet still, it doesn't really matter. I wonder if that's a problem, if not being able to really take anything seriously is a problem. Maybe it's just for me, if something is important then I feel like I should feel it and not have to value it, just be in it when it happens and let it leave when it leaves. But sometimes I do worry about my lack of worry. I palendrome I.
I wonder if life is really what I think it is. If it can be whatever I think it is whenever I think it is. Or if it can be for me but not for other people. Is everyone's life completely different? I don't think I can really fathom that. It seems like it should be bursting with connections, with just the minor details making it unique.
walking waking life in the making tripping falling stumbling towards staggering fingertips illuminated in stuttering starlight sputtering towards infinite burning through lovelifehatedeath hazards happenstance wit and wisdom clever child but don't you muster that courage today your knees are skinned and I've got your balloon on my string so hush now and smile while the light lasts
well, I hope that was entertaining for you all. I bid you adieu
Well, let's see... I went downtown a lot, talked to Kaoru a lot. Missed people a lot. Life continues and moves and flows and is overall good. It seems like I never have anything to say on these things... so maybe I'll just start rambling. Currently, I am at Clyde's residence chewing gum from a gumball that surprisingly did fit in my mouth, while Clyde's was too big for her mouth.
Interesting quote: "No, it's just on and off they smell bad... and they vomit. Nobody really knows why..."
I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand . When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am. And in this sweet madness, this glorious sadness....
It's especially funny because everybody will read that first half, and then if they care at all they'll try to make inferences into my current mental state thinking that it's actually relevant, even though I only wrote it because I like it and was listening to it at the time. Maybe the second half applies though. I suppose the second half always applies.
I can't really imagine myself on that plane flying away. Not yet anyway. It seems like it'll be really lonely and somehow seperate from the rest of time... like I'll just be tucked away for a while until I can thaw out elsewhere. Somewhere very alien and stark where I'll always seem different. I'm not really worried about it, I can just imagine it happening really easily. It'll be interesting to see how it all works out. One week.
I wonder if time will still flow the same way.
I suppose at some point life will have to resume though.
And now, before it turns midnight and therefore tomorrow I wish Ashwini Persaud a very happy or at the very least bearable 18th birthday.
Sometimes it seems like life flows into all these bizarre corners that shouldn't really exist in your particular life, and that you're feeling emotions that don't even belong to you. They always feel like they're really detached, but sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one that ever feels that way. And yet still, it doesn't really matter. I wonder if that's a problem, if not being able to really take anything seriously is a problem. Maybe it's just for me, if something is important then I feel like I should feel it and not have to value it, just be in it when it happens and let it leave when it leaves. But sometimes I do worry about my lack of worry. I palendrome I.
I wonder if life is really what I think it is. If it can be whatever I think it is whenever I think it is. Or if it can be for me but not for other people. Is everyone's life completely different? I don't think I can really fathom that. It seems like it should be bursting with connections, with just the minor details making it unique.
walking waking life in the making tripping falling stumbling towards staggering fingertips illuminated in stuttering starlight sputtering towards infinite burning through lovelifehatedeath hazards happenstance wit and wisdom clever child but don't you muster that courage today your knees are skinned and I've got your balloon on my string so hush now and smile while the light lasts
well, I hope that was entertaining for you all. I bid you adieu
Friday, January 30, 2004
I am one of Gackt's Dears!
What kind of Gackt fan are you?
quiz by
mcvarmazi
I am Gackt's wild brown look!
Which Gackt hairstyle are you most like?
yet another crazy Gackt quiz
by
mcvarmazi
You are Gackt and Masa doing dirty things.
Which Awkward Gackt Moment are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Which Gackt are you most like?
quiz by
mcvarmazi
Sassy and Classy--I'm Gackt's Lovely Black Leather
Pants!
Although it may seem unusual, I am a staple of
Gackt's wardrobe and serve to give him the
simple, sexy, gothy look that he often
portrays.
Which type of Gackt pants are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Masa's Ass
Which of My Favorite J-Rocker's Asses Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Gods! You like the SLUTTY ones, don't you? Kozi,
Sugizo, Gackt, Sakito, Toshiya, and so many
others would be PERFECT for you!
What type of J-Rocker would you roleplay as the best?
brought to you by Quizilla
Saturday, January 24, 2004
Narcissist, eh?
Well.... I can't say that I'm surprised, unfortunately. Damn the man. Oh well, them's the ropes. Oh! Shannon reminds me, I got my ears pierced. And I was very much disappointed with the lack of pain. That's all I have to say about that. Except that now I have to wait for six weeks before I can put rings in my ears and take these studs out.
I saw you there... You were on your way...
Hmm... Music is soooo good.
Someday, I will tell you all the story of my piercing. I really like that feeling though, it could be a problem. Want.More.Piercings.
With raven hands she steals and staggers towards her man
Let's see... on the topic of mental disorders. Hmm... What can we say about that? I am: Massochistic, sedistic, twisted, borderline, have a tendency to mix up reality with fantasy, dream runs into life, used to be anorexic, now shallow and narcissistic, and constantly, constantly changing.
Well.... I can't say that I'm surprised, unfortunately. Damn the man. Oh well, them's the ropes. Oh! Shannon reminds me, I got my ears pierced. And I was very much disappointed with the lack of pain. That's all I have to say about that. Except that now I have to wait for six weeks before I can put rings in my ears and take these studs out.
I saw you there... You were on your way...
Hmm... Music is soooo good.
Someday, I will tell you all the story of my piercing. I really like that feeling though, it could be a problem. Want.More.Piercings.
With raven hands she steals and staggers towards her man
Let's see... on the topic of mental disorders. Hmm... What can we say about that? I am: Massochistic, sedistic, twisted, borderline, have a tendency to mix up reality with fantasy, dream runs into life, used to be anorexic, now shallow and narcissistic, and constantly, constantly changing.
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | Low |
| Schizoid: | Moderate |
| Schizotypal: | Moderate |
| Antisocial: | Moderate |
| Borderline: | Low |
| Histrionic: | Moderate |
| Narcissistic: | High |
| Avoidant: | Low |
| Dependent: | Low |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | High |
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- | |
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Kimi ga oikaketa yume nara...
So today I had my english exam and my french oral exam. English was stressful, but apparently fruitful. While I was painting in the art room after the exam, my english teacher walked up to me. As I was painting and listening to music, I didn't see her until I randomly looked up. And she was staring blankly. Freaky. Anyway, she told me she had just finished marking my exam. "Really?" "Yes, how do you think you did?" "I dunno.... good I hope?" *long silence* "It was excellent. You had just enough analysis, even if you didn't finish. I gave you a 92. Well done" *walks away*
Talk about nerve racking.
So today I had my english exam and my french oral exam. English was stressful, but apparently fruitful. While I was painting in the art room after the exam, my english teacher walked up to me. As I was painting and listening to music, I didn't see her until I randomly looked up. And she was staring blankly. Freaky. Anyway, she told me she had just finished marking my exam. "Really?" "Yes, how do you think you did?" "I dunno.... good I hope?" *long silence* "It was excellent. You had just enough analysis, even if you didn't finish. I gave you a 92. Well done" *walks away*
Talk about nerve racking.
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Rain Falls On Everyone
In case you didn't know. It does.
The Smashing Pumpkins are really good.
I am concerned about my friends. I hope that they are always well.
I am constantly finding out more and more about myself. Recently, I've been discovering the second half of myself. I really do have an extreme duality that I never really knew. In all things two. Passive, Active Dominant, Submissive Masculine, Feminine Protector, Protected. and so on...
I've faced the fathoms in your deep. Withstood the suitors quiet siege. Thrown down the heavens just to please you. Appease you. The wind blows and I know. I can't go on digging roses from your grave. To linger on, beyond the beyond. Where the willows weep and the whirlpools sleep... you'll find me.
How wonderful lyrics are. There always seem to be some to capture precise feelings.
I hope that all of you know that I am available for listening, chatting, discussing, or whatever you might need at any given point in time. Just for clarification. If you want my phone number, you can just e-mail me at tsuki_no_shizuku@hotmail.com .
In case you didn't know. It does.
The Smashing Pumpkins are really good.
I am concerned about my friends. I hope that they are always well.
I am constantly finding out more and more about myself. Recently, I've been discovering the second half of myself. I really do have an extreme duality that I never really knew. In all things two. Passive, Active Dominant, Submissive Masculine, Feminine Protector, Protected. and so on...
I've faced the fathoms in your deep. Withstood the suitors quiet siege. Thrown down the heavens just to please you. Appease you. The wind blows and I know. I can't go on digging roses from your grave. To linger on, beyond the beyond. Where the willows weep and the whirlpools sleep... you'll find me.
How wonderful lyrics are. There always seem to be some to capture precise feelings.
I hope that all of you know that I am available for listening, chatting, discussing, or whatever you might need at any given point in time. Just for clarification. If you want my phone number, you can just e-mail me at tsuki_no_shizuku@hotmail.com .
flow
With tumultuous ties and binded eyes setting sail for ever free
In deepened woods with shoulds and coulds in search of me
Capsized dreams adorn gilded paths of silver birch
Delving children-led secrets, raising hell-bent lies
Infinite seas stretch on. And you could just fade. Amidst the seagulls squaking. In all-embracing silence and sound.
Touching petal softness, smooth silk caress.
If for love hope is lost, then so be it.
In the words I am lost, in the words I am chained.
Freedom lies in fields and feelings, in grass and grain, in wind and water
Floods throughout soul enwrapped crystalline thoughts of windows on worlds not yet experienced.
Taste in touch.
With tumultuous ties and binded eyes setting sail for ever free
In deepened woods with shoulds and coulds in search of me
Capsized dreams adorn gilded paths of silver birch
Delving children-led secrets, raising hell-bent lies
Infinite seas stretch on. And you could just fade. Amidst the seagulls squaking. In all-embracing silence and sound.
Touching petal softness, smooth silk caress.
If for love hope is lost, then so be it.
In the words I am lost, in the words I am chained.
Freedom lies in fields and feelings, in grass and grain, in wind and water
Floods throughout soul enwrapped crystalline thoughts of windows on worlds not yet experienced.
Taste in touch.
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
|
You are a very genki and energetic person with a lot of talent. You would pursue your dream tirelessly no matter how hard it may seem. You have a mysterious way of getting people to like you, regardless of their personality. Your emotions can run wild sometimes but you bring happiness and laughter around everyone. Take the quiz at Dare to Dream |
Monday, January 12, 2004
Movement One: Beginning
Is news really that important? Do the trivial things going on in my life really matter? I'd say no, so I won't comment on them. Except that life is stress. And I learned how to make a photo page.
Eventually, photos will be included. Picture-taking is actually a lot of fun. Playing with lighting and colour is very interesting.
Why is it that I always seem to start these things and then lose interest in them completely? It seems to be a recurring problem in my life.
Is news really that important? Do the trivial things going on in my life really matter? I'd say no, so I won't comment on them. Except that life is stress. And I learned how to make a photo page.
Eventually, photos will be included. Picture-taking is actually a lot of fun. Playing with lighting and colour is very interesting.
Why is it that I always seem to start these things and then lose interest in them completely? It seems to be a recurring problem in my life.
Thursday, January 08, 2004
I'm not quite sure what this is going to be. Isn't that feeling of the unknown exciting? I love it. I think it's the same kind of feeling I get from doing the things that scare me. Heart beating faster, an andrenaline junky.
Mmm, heart beating. Hearts are so good. Do you ever just stop and listen to/feel your heart beat for a little while? For me, that is one of the most satisfying feelings in the world. Nothing is wrong with life, my heart is beating. So, favourite things. That's a good thing to write about. My favourite things. (supplementary to my MSN profile favourite things).
1. Listening to my heart beat.
2. Being at my river.
3. Taking 1 AM walks in the rain.
4. Wind and water.
5. Wonderful friends who reserve judgement.
6. People who try to understand.
7. The lonely hum of a cello.
8. That feeling of dangerous excitement when you see someone you like.
9. That golden soul destruction when they look at you.
10. Having my hair played with.
11. Having someone know all of your secrets, and still being able to surprise them.
12. Being silent, making no sound when I move.
13. Being able to find the people I love by following a feeling.
14. Being protected.
15. Protecting someone.
16. Understanding myself.
17. Understanding others.
18. Allowing myself to exist, and accepting it.
19. A semblance of balance in life.
20. The chance for chaos to occur.
21. Listening to ticking clocks.
22. Knowing that, somewhere, the perfect life exists.
23. Being happy for other people.
24. Singing as loud as I can.
25. Trying new things.
26. Freedom.
27. Snow that falls straight down.
28. The way the moon looks on clear nights in winter.
29. The reflection of the blue sky in people's eyes.
There's a lot more, but I don't really want to list all of them right now. I'll come back to that later.
Mmm, heart beating. Hearts are so good. Do you ever just stop and listen to/feel your heart beat for a little while? For me, that is one of the most satisfying feelings in the world. Nothing is wrong with life, my heart is beating. So, favourite things. That's a good thing to write about. My favourite things. (supplementary to my MSN profile favourite things).
1. Listening to my heart beat.
2. Being at my river.
3. Taking 1 AM walks in the rain.
4. Wind and water.
5. Wonderful friends who reserve judgement.
6. People who try to understand.
7. The lonely hum of a cello.
8. That feeling of dangerous excitement when you see someone you like.
9. That golden soul destruction when they look at you.
10. Having my hair played with.
11. Having someone know all of your secrets, and still being able to surprise them.
12. Being silent, making no sound when I move.
13. Being able to find the people I love by following a feeling.
14. Being protected.
15. Protecting someone.
16. Understanding myself.
17. Understanding others.
18. Allowing myself to exist, and accepting it.
19. A semblance of balance in life.
20. The chance for chaos to occur.
21. Listening to ticking clocks.
22. Knowing that, somewhere, the perfect life exists.
23. Being happy for other people.
24. Singing as loud as I can.
25. Trying new things.
26. Freedom.
27. Snow that falls straight down.
28. The way the moon looks on clear nights in winter.
29. The reflection of the blue sky in people's eyes.
There's a lot more, but I don't really want to list all of them right now. I'll come back to that later.
Thursday, December 25, 2003
You are YOU! You have a confusing name. You are
really, really pretty. You're multi-talented
and lots of women would probably throw their
panties at you, but of course, you don't let it
ruin your grace.
Which Gackt Job Member Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Thursday, December 04, 2003
Could it be? An .......update!? *gasp*
Let's see.... What have I been up to? Trying to remember all of it makes my head hurt. So: Stress, Work, Sickness, Health, Music, Art, Friends, Parties, Talking, Meeting, Eating, Not Eating, Breathing, Sleeping, Work
Hmm... I suddenly don't feel like doing this anymore. So, I'll probably stop now and perhaps finish this later.
Let's see.... What have I been up to? Trying to remember all of it makes my head hurt. So: Stress, Work, Sickness, Health, Music, Art, Friends, Parties, Talking, Meeting, Eating, Not Eating, Breathing, Sleeping, Work
Hmm... I suddenly don't feel like doing this anymore. So, I'll probably stop now and perhaps finish this later.
