a little walk 

half open
Yay for the literacy test and being home all day, aka, yay for sleeping in. Today, well what's left of it that is, will be left to cleaning, cooking (mmm soup), art (must finish that girl), situps, and... reading maybe? If I have any time for it anyway.

Yesterday I ended up missing most of my work shift! Shannon covered for me, so it wasn't too too bad, but it still wasn't good. Before that, however, I went over to Ian's house and then out to dinner with them at Montana's. It was fun and we talked for quite a while. Then we went to stop over at Chapters and I found out that I had forgotten about my shift-switch with Glenn. Which reminds me, I switched Sunday for Saturday, so now I'm working on Saturday. Must. Remember.

I think it rained this morning, and a lot of leaves were blown to the ground. Now it's becoming apparent that Fall's going to end. I hate this point. Fall is so nice.

I can't believe I slept in so late this morning. Oh well, on to the day.

shell
It's sad that getting my hair cut tomorrow has been the only thing I've been looking forward to all weekend. I worked for 15 hours this weekend, had breakfast with my father, watched five episodes... or maybe more? of witch hunter robin with shannon, hung out at megan's house with her and laura, had a visit from alison and heather... a very stalker-ish one. I just don't like standing that long.

I still can't think of anything particularily thrilling to write about. And even if I could, it would only be something about me, and that's quite boring.

well. whatever. here goes.

Does everyone try to be more like an architypical version of themselves or someone else, or is it just me? I always feel like.... I dunno.... I should be constantly focussing myself and becoming more and more ......detailed? sort-of... I always want to be more and more complicated maybe? In everything, person, appearance, likes, music, clothes, etc. I don't know, I guess it's natural and it doesn't bother me that much. I just thought it might be something interesting for you guys to read.

'night

intospect plug
I have to work again tomorrow. I worked from 3-10:15 today, and I have to work from 11-6 tomorrow. It's kind of pooey, but at least it's money right? I can buy things anyway. I find it amusing that we have a book in chapters called 'blogging for teens'.

I have so many pictures from thanksgiving. They're all so nice.

Anyways, I'm tired. Hopefully I'll be less dead tomorrow for a real blogging.

cutest. baby. ever. 

I can't publish enough pictures to show you how beautiful it was 

thanksgiving... my family style 

That time of year
she says wake up it's no use pretending
eyes wide open, naked as we came
one will spread our ashes round the yard

I thought that maybe typing in colour would be kind of hip, but I decided against it: it ruins my image... or something.

I was so proud of myself, I actually finished my lab report on time yesterday, and I got a lot of work done on art today, plus it looks pretty good so far. So it's satisfying overall. But I'm feeling kind of weird lately, I'm wondering if I'm going to get like this every autumn. I've got some flab or something that needs to be killed, so I'll start working out and maybe it'll kill two birds with one stone.

Hmm... I decidedly listen to mostly depressing music. Speaking of which, I had an interesting conversation with my mother the other day in the kitchen about how we're both attracted to sad things. I wonder if it was her depression that first made me this way. It brings up unpleasant memories.

It's always interesting to see how your thoughts can change over the course of two hours. Your emotions, your thoughts, your scenery.

It seems like right now is a time of high-ish energy, where I'm getting a lot done, but also like I'm not really valuing the time? Maybe that's not it, it's difficult to place my finger on, I'm too eclectic and explosive to concentrate on anything long enough to completely enjoy it.

days before you came
it always seemed enticing to be naked at the bay
days before you came

after the silence: II
Well, here we go again for a second round. I was trying to pull a double-whammy and update my livejournal at the same time as my blog, but apparently it wasn't in the cards. So here goes.

Update: I went to Algonquin for Thanksgiving with the fam. I mean full-out 15 member fam. It was good times: relaxing, indescribably beautiful and just recharging overall. We almost didn't get to go because Bronwyn developed all these bruises suddenly and her levels went back down to 31. But somehow, miraculously, she made a full recovery all the way back up to 189 in two days. Insanity much? I went to this SAC camp dealy, and it was pretty fun although I had 18 cups of coffee in two days, which needless to say was a bad thing.

I was doing all of these quizzes and I had them all filled out and done , but then the stupid ads made my explorer crash and now I have to do them all over again. Oh well.

Let's see if we can't come up with some really deep thoughts. I was recently quite confused by fall leaves... it seems like when all of the trees change colour you've kind of popped into a different world. I wondered if the trees looked like that all the time people wouldn't cut them down. How could you lose even one tree full of such rich and fascinating colours? I remember that as one thing that stuck out in my mind flying over BC- the logging roads cutting through the otherwise beautiful landscape. Something must be done.

Today I was taught how to apply eyeliner. Girls seem to have some thing for always wanting to make me up... and feel the softness of my hands (this was new). I guess I like the attention but it's also embarassing and difficult to deal with.

Eyes wide open, naked as we came.

I don't like clothes, but I have to buy some soon. I'm down to three wearable pairs of pants, no winter jacket, one pair of pants for work, etc. It's a bit of an issue. Plus shit, I keep forgetting to make an appointment to get my hair cut. I kind of want to dye it again too.

Ok. That's enough for now I think. I should be working on art, or studying for bio and history. mah, c'est la vie.

did I mention that spilt coffee has a sad remembrance of old? 

mmm... sushi 

1000 Oceans
So tonight I'm feeling a bit melancholy. I'm not sure if I'm even trying to avoid it though... I'm supposing, however, that it is temporary and tomorrow I will wake up refreshed and ready to go. I didn't realize that you could write text in colour before. It doesn't make much difference to me though, I'm fine with black.

heard from the tv of the latest bombing
the girls were dancing
she was coming of age
shells fired out the
flowers blown down

innocence targeted,
who's god is this?

wish she could have one more day

I am tired to an extreme, and I'm aware that tiredness makes me sad/sappy/irritated/emotional, none of which are enjoyable, and yet I stay up. and now I sleep.

bronwyn 

hospital
Ok, so Bronwyn's out of the hospital for now. Her platelet count is back up to 25. For those of you who don't know, my sister contracted a blood disease called dtp last week. dtp is a disease where the spleen produces antibodies, usually in response to a virus, which somehow end up mistaking the platelets in the blood for the virus and destroying them. Once again for those who don't know, platelets are the part of blood responsible for clotting. Normal platelet levels in humans are 70, bronwyn first tested for 17 after I found a giant black bruise on her shoulder, and eventually went down to 5 or less. It got to the point where the capillaries in her legs were bursting. She got a blood transfusion at the hospital yesterday, and we're all hoping that it works, otherwise she might have to get a bone marrow transplant which would be extremely hard and horrible. I'm sort of worried that she'll be traumatized after all of this, concidering she's only 1 and all... But hopefully she'll be fine.
cheers

An Orchestrated Rise To Fall
Do you think maybe it's just music with lyrics that distracts you creatively? My theory on creativity has always been that most creativity is a product of other's creativity. So I've always been fascinated by pure creativity, the non-recycled kind. It's quite difficult to obtain.

story board
The title of a song I would send to you all.

in the dark 

isobel bjork from UNITY 

inari kitsune (fox spirit messenger of the rice god) 

i know this place

I had been trying to think of ideas for my first art project. I was sitting in the caf, listening to my music and reading some oscar wilde. I tilted my head back to finish off my water, draining the bottle. A song that I had never heard before was beginning. I filled my mouth with the water. For perhaps the first time I noticed that my mouth wasn’t in fact full of water, but that there was air in my throat pushing the water forward, protecting my windpipe. My body was keeping me from breathing the water. “This is the moment” the song said. And at once an image, an idea rushed to me. I saw a person under water, someone who had been struggling from the bottom to reach the surface. But it was unattainable. Rather than flailing about in a mad attempt, the person looked up, I saw through their eyes, at the light playing on the water of the surface. It was so beautiful, they could almost feel the warmth. They forced the air out and at once accepted the water into their throat. There was something magical about that sort of surrender.

I’m becoming an indie music kid. It’s not so much that I despise mainstream music, or that I like the idea of being unique, but rather that I’m discovering that there is a different noise, a sound which really suits me, that perhaps I haven’t found yet. In listening to some of this music I feel that I am sort of rediscovering childhood. Some of the tunes evoke a sort of feeling of… summer, the sun through the leaves, hidden brooks you wade in looking at fish, the pleasure of a wind blowing across a field while you’re resting after just having taken a long walk through the woods and climbed a tree. It’s extremely satisfying.

I’ve been having lots of flying dreams lately, I wonder what they mean.

How are all of you?