the go train on saturday
Monday, November 22, 2004
hey jupiter
no one's picking up the phone
guess it's me and me
and this little masochist
she's ready to confess
all the things that i never thought
that she could feel and
hey jupiter
nothings been the same
so are you gay
are you blue
thought we both could use a friend
to run to
and i thought i wouldn't have to be
with you something new
sometimes i breathe you in
and i know you know
and sometimes you take a swim
found your writing on my wall
if my hearts soaking wet
boy your boots can leave a mess
hey jupiter
nothings been the same
so are you gay
are you blue
thought we both could use a friend
to run to
and i thought you wouldn't have to keep
with me
hiding
thought i knew myself so well
all the dolls i had
took my leather off the shelf
your apocalypse was fab
for a girl who couldn't choose between
the shower or the bath
and i thought i wouldn't have to be
with you
a magazine
no one's picking up the phone
guess it's clear he's gone
and this little masochist
is lifting up her dress
guess i thought i could never feel
the things i feel
hey jupiter
so are you gay
are you blue
thought we both could use a friend to run to
hey jupiternothing's been the same
so are you safe
now we're through
thought we both could use a friend to run to
hey jupiter
"You know how it is when you love someone?And the hard part, the bad part, the Jerry Springer show part is that you never stop loving someone. There's always a piece of them in your heart."
All very true, very true.
I'm being distracted again. I find that if I wear my headphones I feel more connected and get more typing done. Isn't that weird? Right now I am talking to five people. It makes it really difficult to be at all creative.
ok. I give.
no one's picking up the phone
guess it's me and me
and this little masochist
she's ready to confess
all the things that i never thought
that she could feel and
hey jupiter
nothings been the same
so are you gay
are you blue
thought we both could use a friend
to run to
and i thought i wouldn't have to be
with you something new
sometimes i breathe you in
and i know you know
and sometimes you take a swim
found your writing on my wall
if my hearts soaking wet
boy your boots can leave a mess
hey jupiter
nothings been the same
so are you gay
are you blue
thought we both could use a friend
to run to
and i thought you wouldn't have to keep
with me
hiding
thought i knew myself so well
all the dolls i had
took my leather off the shelf
your apocalypse was fab
for a girl who couldn't choose between
the shower or the bath
and i thought i wouldn't have to be
with you
a magazine
no one's picking up the phone
guess it's clear he's gone
and this little masochist
is lifting up her dress
guess i thought i could never feel
the things i feel
hey jupiter
so are you gay
are you blue
thought we both could use a friend to run to
hey jupiternothing's been the same
so are you safe
now we're through
thought we both could use a friend to run to
hey jupiter
"You know how it is when you love someone?And the hard part, the bad part, the Jerry Springer show part is that you never stop loving someone. There's always a piece of them in your heart."
All very true, very true.
I'm being distracted again. I find that if I wear my headphones I feel more connected and get more typing done. Isn't that weird? Right now I am talking to five people. It makes it really difficult to be at all creative.
ok. I give.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
strange
by neil gaiman
There are a hundred things she has tried to chase away the things she won't remember and that she can't even let herself think about because that's when the birds scream and the worms crawl and somewhere in her mind it's always raining a slow and endless drizzle.
You will hear that she has left the country, that there was a gift she wanted you to have, but it is lost before it reaches you. Late one night the telephone will sing, and a voice that might be hers will say something that you cannot interpret before the connection crackles and is broken.
Several years later, from a taxi, you will see someone in a doorway who looks like her, but she will be gone by the time you persuade the driver to stop. You will never see her again.
Whenever it rains you think of her.
by neil gaiman
There are a hundred things she has tried to chase away the things she won't remember and that she can't even let herself think about because that's when the birds scream and the worms crawl and somewhere in her mind it's always raining a slow and endless drizzle.
You will hear that she has left the country, that there was a gift she wanted you to have, but it is lost before it reaches you. Late one night the telephone will sing, and a voice that might be hers will say something that you cannot interpret before the connection crackles and is broken.
Several years later, from a taxi, you will see someone in a doorway who looks like her, but she will be gone by the time you persuade the driver to stop. You will never see her again.
Whenever it rains you think of her.
shortcomings
I haven't posted in a while. I've been busy with school and sickness. All I really want to do lately is sleep. But instead, I'll post here. If you haven't heard Gloomy Sunday by bjork, go download it. It's a really good song.
I still don't have anything to say.
sorry.
edit:
Ok. That's not so good. I'm back and I'm going to try to give some content. I've given the art in, so it's gone and seems to have removed it's blackness from my consciousness, thank goodness. I also recently invested in Scarlet's Walk which should help to brighten my mood a bit. I sent some e-mails to people in japan, which was another thing nagging my conscience. I bought medulla as well, but it's a bit too experimental for my current mental state, I don't think I want to see what it does to my mood. I'm getting that sickness which seems to rear it's head everytime I'm attending school seriously. It just kind of saps my motivation and makes everything seem a thousand times worse than it actually is. I start to use music like drugs. I fill my ears with it, fill my head with it to make things go away, to make things solid again when it seems like everything is spinning. It makes me feel sort of weak to think that I can't make it stop by myself. I shouldn't need to hold onto something else.
That paragraph seems so menacing.
to you it's just another dead fag
For some reason, I feel really connected to this song. I don't think it has anything to do with sex... there's something about the melody and the way it flows, and the degree of closeness. It actually makes me feel like I've lost a friend I spent some crazy day in the city I've never been to on a rainy day with running and spinning who made me feel a bit more alive in a world which seems a little dead with. But I think the connection, that I was able to feel something someone else wanted me to feel, and that assurity of human emotion as a common bond outweighs the sadness in this case. Probably because I did not know him. This all seems in stark contrast to the only quote.
pick out your cloud
I've picked out so many clouds, but it just doesn't matter that you pick them. They move on and they change but they never fade away, they never die. They march on forever until you can't see them anymore. But it's not sad, because it's quite probable that we're just clouds too.
I haven't posted in a while. I've been busy with school and sickness. All I really want to do lately is sleep. But instead, I'll post here. If you haven't heard Gloomy Sunday by bjork, go download it. It's a really good song.
I still don't have anything to say.
sorry.
edit:
Ok. That's not so good. I'm back and I'm going to try to give some content. I've given the art in, so it's gone and seems to have removed it's blackness from my consciousness, thank goodness. I also recently invested in Scarlet's Walk which should help to brighten my mood a bit. I sent some e-mails to people in japan, which was another thing nagging my conscience. I bought medulla as well, but it's a bit too experimental for my current mental state, I don't think I want to see what it does to my mood. I'm getting that sickness which seems to rear it's head everytime I'm attending school seriously. It just kind of saps my motivation and makes everything seem a thousand times worse than it actually is. I start to use music like drugs. I fill my ears with it, fill my head with it to make things go away, to make things solid again when it seems like everything is spinning. It makes me feel sort of weak to think that I can't make it stop by myself. I shouldn't need to hold onto something else.
That paragraph seems so menacing.
to you it's just another dead fag
For some reason, I feel really connected to this song. I don't think it has anything to do with sex... there's something about the melody and the way it flows, and the degree of closeness. It actually makes me feel like I've lost a friend I spent some crazy day in the city I've never been to on a rainy day with running and spinning who made me feel a bit more alive in a world which seems a little dead with. But I think the connection, that I was able to feel something someone else wanted me to feel, and that assurity of human emotion as a common bond outweighs the sadness in this case. Probably because I did not know him. This all seems in stark contrast to the only quote.
pick out your cloud
I've picked out so many clouds, but it just doesn't matter that you pick them. They move on and they change but they never fade away, they never die. They march on forever until you can't see them anymore. But it's not sad, because it's quite probable that we're just clouds too.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
wishful eyes
Okay, Ben just showed this to me and I had to share. It's simpy too good:
http://www.marryanamerican.ca/
Oh dear, *wipes tears*, that was a good laugh.
So, tonight kinda sucked. I had to work instead of going to commencement. And, at work, some guy figured, y'know, there's a new jenna jameson (porn star) biography and it has pictures in it... I know! let's rip the pictures out, bring them into the public washroom and jack off all over the fucking floor. Yeah! That sounds great!
NO! NOT a good idea!
So I cleaned cum instead of hanging out with my friends whom I haven't seen in a while. It was good times.
School's going ok, I made an effort and it minorly paid off. I'm going downtown tomorrow and blowing my paycheck. And hanging out... alone. Which will also be good times.
Okay, Ben just showed this to me and I had to share. It's simpy too good:
http://www.marryanamerican.ca/
Oh dear, *wipes tears*, that was a good laugh.
So, tonight kinda sucked. I had to work instead of going to commencement. And, at work, some guy figured, y'know, there's a new jenna jameson (porn star) biography and it has pictures in it... I know! let's rip the pictures out, bring them into the public washroom and jack off all over the fucking floor. Yeah! That sounds great!
NO! NOT a good idea!
So I cleaned cum instead of hanging out with my friends whom I haven't seen in a while. It was good times.
School's going ok, I made an effort and it minorly paid off. I'm going downtown tomorrow and blowing my paycheck. And hanging out... alone. Which will also be good times.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
Uesugi/Yuki Eiri-You're very cold and enjoy
insulting people inferior to you. The only
people that can get close to you is your lover
and your best friend. (And I mean this in
*both* ways)
Which Anime Bishie Are You?
brought to you by
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
half open
Yay for the literacy test and being home all day, aka, yay for sleeping in. Today, well what's left of it that is, will be left to cleaning, cooking (mmm soup), art (must finish that girl), situps, and... reading maybe? If I have any time for it anyway.
Yesterday I ended up missing most of my work shift! Shannon covered for me, so it wasn't too too bad, but it still wasn't good. Before that, however, I went over to Ian's house and then out to dinner with them at Montana's. It was fun and we talked for quite a while. Then we went to stop over at Chapters and I found out that I had forgotten about my shift-switch with Glenn. Which reminds me, I switched Sunday for Saturday, so now I'm working on Saturday. Must. Remember.
I think it rained this morning, and a lot of leaves were blown to the ground. Now it's becoming apparent that Fall's going to end. I hate this point. Fall is so nice.
I can't believe I slept in so late this morning. Oh well, on to the day.
Yay for the literacy test and being home all day, aka, yay for sleeping in. Today, well what's left of it that is, will be left to cleaning, cooking (mmm soup), art (must finish that girl), situps, and... reading maybe? If I have any time for it anyway.
Yesterday I ended up missing most of my work shift! Shannon covered for me, so it wasn't too too bad, but it still wasn't good. Before that, however, I went over to Ian's house and then out to dinner with them at Montana's. It was fun and we talked for quite a while. Then we went to stop over at Chapters and I found out that I had forgotten about my shift-switch with Glenn. Which reminds me, I switched Sunday for Saturday, so now I'm working on Saturday. Must. Remember.
I think it rained this morning, and a lot of leaves were blown to the ground. Now it's becoming apparent that Fall's going to end. I hate this point. Fall is so nice.
I can't believe I slept in so late this morning. Oh well, on to the day.
Sunday, October 24, 2004
shell
It's sad that getting my hair cut tomorrow has been the only thing I've been looking forward to all weekend. I worked for 15 hours this weekend, had breakfast with my father, watched five episodes... or maybe more? of witch hunter robin with shannon, hung out at megan's house with her and laura, had a visit from alison and heather... a very stalker-ish one. I just don't like standing that long.
I still can't think of anything particularily thrilling to write about. And even if I could, it would only be something about me, and that's quite boring.
well. whatever. here goes.
Does everyone try to be more like an architypical version of themselves or someone else, or is it just me? I always feel like.... I dunno.... I should be constantly focussing myself and becoming more and more ......detailed? sort-of... I always want to be more and more complicated maybe? In everything, person, appearance, likes, music, clothes, etc. I don't know, I guess it's natural and it doesn't bother me that much. I just thought it might be something interesting for you guys to read.
'night
It's sad that getting my hair cut tomorrow has been the only thing I've been looking forward to all weekend. I worked for 15 hours this weekend, had breakfast with my father, watched five episodes... or maybe more? of witch hunter robin with shannon, hung out at megan's house with her and laura, had a visit from alison and heather... a very stalker-ish one. I just don't like standing that long.
I still can't think of anything particularily thrilling to write about. And even if I could, it would only be something about me, and that's quite boring.
well. whatever. here goes.
Does everyone try to be more like an architypical version of themselves or someone else, or is it just me? I always feel like.... I dunno.... I should be constantly focussing myself and becoming more and more ......detailed? sort-of... I always want to be more and more complicated maybe? In everything, person, appearance, likes, music, clothes, etc. I don't know, I guess it's natural and it doesn't bother me that much. I just thought it might be something interesting for you guys to read.
'night
intospect plug
I have to work again tomorrow. I worked from 3-10:15 today, and I have to work from 11-6 tomorrow. It's kind of pooey, but at least it's money right? I can buy things anyway. I find it amusing that we have a book in chapters called 'blogging for teens'.
I have so many pictures from thanksgiving. They're all so nice.
Anyways, I'm tired. Hopefully I'll be less dead tomorrow for a real blogging.
I have to work again tomorrow. I worked from 3-10:15 today, and I have to work from 11-6 tomorrow. It's kind of pooey, but at least it's money right? I can buy things anyway. I find it amusing that we have a book in chapters called 'blogging for teens'.
I have so many pictures from thanksgiving. They're all so nice.
Anyways, I'm tired. Hopefully I'll be less dead tomorrow for a real blogging.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
That time of year
she says wake up it's no use pretending
eyes wide open, naked as we came
one will spread our ashes round the yard
I thought that maybe typing in colour would be kind of hip, but I decided against it: it ruins my image... or something.
I was so proud of myself, I actually finished my lab report on time yesterday, and I got a lot of work done on art today, plus it looks pretty good so far. So it's satisfying overall. But I'm feeling kind of weird lately, I'm wondering if I'm going to get like this every autumn. I've got some flab or something that needs to be killed, so I'll start working out and maybe it'll kill two birds with one stone.
Hmm... I decidedly listen to mostly depressing music. Speaking of which, I had an interesting conversation with my mother the other day in the kitchen about how we're both attracted to sad things. I wonder if it was her depression that first made me this way. It brings up unpleasant memories.
It's always interesting to see how your thoughts can change over the course of two hours. Your emotions, your thoughts, your scenery.
It seems like right now is a time of high-ish energy, where I'm getting a lot done, but also like I'm not really valuing the time? Maybe that's not it, it's difficult to place my finger on, I'm too eclectic and explosive to concentrate on anything long enough to completely enjoy it.
days before you came
it always seemed enticing to be naked at the bay
days before you came
she says wake up it's no use pretending
eyes wide open, naked as we came
one will spread our ashes round the yard
I thought that maybe typing in colour would be kind of hip, but I decided against it: it ruins my image... or something.
I was so proud of myself, I actually finished my lab report on time yesterday, and I got a lot of work done on art today, plus it looks pretty good so far. So it's satisfying overall. But I'm feeling kind of weird lately, I'm wondering if I'm going to get like this every autumn. I've got some flab or something that needs to be killed, so I'll start working out and maybe it'll kill two birds with one stone.
Hmm... I decidedly listen to mostly depressing music. Speaking of which, I had an interesting conversation with my mother the other day in the kitchen about how we're both attracted to sad things. I wonder if it was her depression that first made me this way. It brings up unpleasant memories.
It's always interesting to see how your thoughts can change over the course of two hours. Your emotions, your thoughts, your scenery.
It seems like right now is a time of high-ish energy, where I'm getting a lot done, but also like I'm not really valuing the time? Maybe that's not it, it's difficult to place my finger on, I'm too eclectic and explosive to concentrate on anything long enough to completely enjoy it.
days before you came
it always seemed enticing to be naked at the bay
days before you came
Saturday, October 16, 2004
after the silence: II
Well, here we go again for a second round. I was trying to pull a double-whammy and update my livejournal at the same time as my blog, but apparently it wasn't in the cards. So here goes.
Update: I went to Algonquin for Thanksgiving with the fam. I mean full-out 15 member fam. It was good times: relaxing, indescribably beautiful and just recharging overall. We almost didn't get to go because Bronwyn developed all these bruises suddenly and her levels went back down to 31. But somehow, miraculously, she made a full recovery all the way back up to 189 in two days. Insanity much? I went to this SAC camp dealy, and it was pretty fun although I had 18 cups of coffee in two days, which needless to say was a bad thing.
I was doing all of these quizzes and I had them all filled out and done , but then the stupid ads made my explorer crash and now I have to do them all over again. Oh well.
Let's see if we can't come up with some really deep thoughts. I was recently quite confused by fall leaves... it seems like when all of the trees change colour you've kind of popped into a different world. I wondered if the trees looked like that all the time people wouldn't cut them down. How could you lose even one tree full of such rich and fascinating colours? I remember that as one thing that stuck out in my mind flying over BC- the logging roads cutting through the otherwise beautiful landscape. Something must be done.
Today I was taught how to apply eyeliner. Girls seem to have some thing for always wanting to make me up... and feel the softness of my hands (this was new). I guess I like the attention but it's also embarassing and difficult to deal with.
Eyes wide open, naked as we came.
I don't like clothes, but I have to buy some soon. I'm down to three wearable pairs of pants, no winter jacket, one pair of pants for work, etc. It's a bit of an issue. Plus shit, I keep forgetting to make an appointment to get my hair cut. I kind of want to dye it again too.
Ok. That's enough for now I think. I should be working on art, or studying for bio and history. mah, c'est la vie.
Well, here we go again for a second round. I was trying to pull a double-whammy and update my livejournal at the same time as my blog, but apparently it wasn't in the cards. So here goes.
Update: I went to Algonquin for Thanksgiving with the fam. I mean full-out 15 member fam. It was good times: relaxing, indescribably beautiful and just recharging overall. We almost didn't get to go because Bronwyn developed all these bruises suddenly and her levels went back down to 31. But somehow, miraculously, she made a full recovery all the way back up to 189 in two days. Insanity much? I went to this SAC camp dealy, and it was pretty fun although I had 18 cups of coffee in two days, which needless to say was a bad thing.
I was doing all of these quizzes and I had them all filled out and done , but then the stupid ads made my explorer crash and now I have to do them all over again. Oh well.
Let's see if we can't come up with some really deep thoughts. I was recently quite confused by fall leaves... it seems like when all of the trees change colour you've kind of popped into a different world. I wondered if the trees looked like that all the time people wouldn't cut them down. How could you lose even one tree full of such rich and fascinating colours? I remember that as one thing that stuck out in my mind flying over BC- the logging roads cutting through the otherwise beautiful landscape. Something must be done.
Today I was taught how to apply eyeliner. Girls seem to have some thing for always wanting to make me up... and feel the softness of my hands (this was new). I guess I like the attention but it's also embarassing and difficult to deal with.
Eyes wide open, naked as we came.
I don't like clothes, but I have to buy some soon. I'm down to three wearable pairs of pants, no winter jacket, one pair of pants for work, etc. It's a bit of an issue. Plus shit, I keep forgetting to make an appointment to get my hair cut. I kind of want to dye it again too.
Ok. That's enough for now I think. I should be working on art, or studying for bio and history. mah, c'est la vie.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
1000 Oceans
So tonight I'm feeling a bit melancholy. I'm not sure if I'm even trying to avoid it though... I'm supposing, however, that it is temporary and tomorrow I will wake up refreshed and ready to go. I didn't realize that you could write text in colour before. It doesn't make much difference to me though, I'm fine with black.
heard from the tv of the latest bombing
the girls were dancing
she was coming of age
shells fired out the
flowers blown down
innocence targeted,
who's god is this?
wish she could have one more day
I am tired to an extreme, and I'm aware that tiredness makes me sad/sappy/irritated/emotional, none of which are enjoyable, and yet I stay up. and now I sleep.
So tonight I'm feeling a bit melancholy. I'm not sure if I'm even trying to avoid it though... I'm supposing, however, that it is temporary and tomorrow I will wake up refreshed and ready to go. I didn't realize that you could write text in colour before. It doesn't make much difference to me though, I'm fine with black.
heard from the tv of the latest bombing
the girls were dancing
she was coming of age
shells fired out the
flowers blown down
innocence targeted,
who's god is this?
wish she could have one more day
I am tired to an extreme, and I'm aware that tiredness makes me sad/sappy/irritated/emotional, none of which are enjoyable, and yet I stay up. and now I sleep.
