*This post has been edited, then deleted, and then re-put up as per request. Read at your own risk.

I hate Pride

Ok, so I got back from the Olympic island concert with Feist and Broken Social Scene and Bloc Party and all those kids, and when I start coming close to Davey's apartment I begin to feel this pit of negativity in my stomach that just grows and grows as the elevator climbs floors. He was already tipsy by the time I got here, and I hate dealing with drunk people when I'm sober. And I hate fags, and they are fucking everywhere right now. And I resent not being able to drink because of fucking mono. And I'm just not in a place to deal with any of this because I'm already having huge issues right now with my identity; with living a sort-of double life, with my hatred of my own cynicism and negativity but inability to change it, with my extremely ambiguous and fluctuating sexuality, with my capacity (or lack thereof) to accept love, with my indecesiveness and uncertainty about my future and what I'm FUCKING doing with my life...

I realized on the way to meet up with some of davey's friends that I can't handle the gay community, or any facet of it that I have encountered, without killing my brain with alcohol. Lube 'er up with tequila, then try to have fun.


Leaving the pizza pizza some random faggot old man remarked oh-so-wittily 'smile girlfriend! what's the matter with you?' and tried to touch me. What the FUCK makes you think it's ok to touch me? Because it's your holiday? FUCK YOU. I don't go around groping you on fucking earth day do I? So why would that be ok now?