Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Walls and Gardens, Castles in the Sky
Well, let's see... I went downtown a lot, talked to Kaoru a lot. Missed people a lot. Life continues and moves and flows and is overall good. It seems like I never have anything to say on these things... so maybe I'll just start rambling. Currently, I am at Clyde's residence chewing gum from a gumball that surprisingly did fit in my mouth, while Clyde's was too big for her mouth.

Interesting quote: "No, it's just on and off they smell bad... and they vomit. Nobody really knows why..."

I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand . When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am. And in this sweet madness, this glorious sadness....

It's especially funny because everybody will read that first half, and then if they care at all they'll try to make inferences into my current mental state thinking that it's actually relevant, even though I only wrote it because I like it and was listening to it at the time. Maybe the second half applies though. I suppose the second half always applies.

I can't really imagine myself on that plane flying away. Not yet anyway. It seems like it'll be really lonely and somehow seperate from the rest of time... like I'll just be tucked away for a while until I can thaw out elsewhere. Somewhere very alien and stark where I'll always seem different. I'm not really worried about it, I can just imagine it happening really easily. It'll be interesting to see how it all works out. One week.

I wonder if time will still flow the same way.

I suppose at some point life will have to resume though.

And now, before it turns midnight and therefore tomorrow I wish Ashwini Persaud a very happy or at the very least bearable 18th birthday.

Sometimes it seems like life flows into all these bizarre corners that shouldn't really exist in your particular life, and that you're feeling emotions that don't even belong to you. They always feel like they're really detached, but sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one that ever feels that way. And yet still, it doesn't really matter. I wonder if that's a problem, if not being able to really take anything seriously is a problem. Maybe it's just for me, if something is important then I feel like I should feel it and not have to value it, just be in it when it happens and let it leave when it leaves. But sometimes I do worry about my lack of worry. I palendrome I.

I wonder if life is really what I think it is. If it can be whatever I think it is whenever I think it is. Or if it can be for me but not for other people. Is everyone's life completely different? I don't think I can really fathom that. It seems like it should be bursting with connections, with just the minor details making it unique.

walking waking life in the making tripping falling stumbling towards staggering fingertips illuminated in stuttering starlight sputtering towards infinite burning through lovelifehatedeath hazards happenstance wit and wisdom clever child but don't you muster that courage today your knees are skinned and I've got your balloon on my string so hush now and smile while the light lasts

well, I hope that was entertaining for you all. I bid you adieu

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