Warning: black hole-level negativity

I am so angry, and so resigned to the overall shitiness of human beings in general. Ever since the week just before my birthday, I've been on this giant downward spiral of negativity, and you know what? I don't even give a shit. That's how far down I've come.

People are completely unreliable, I've become accustomed to assuming that when somebody says that they will do something, there is only about a fifty percent chance that they will follow through. I'm tired of being asked the same questions over and over, simply because the person asking is not actually interested in learning the answer to the question, only eager to fill up the oh-so-terrifying silence with the sounds of their own voice. So afraid of change, and of themselves and of realizations about life and the way their minds work. We say one thing, but mean another. We tip-toe around when we should be being direct, and when we should be being considerate we are self-centred. No-one has a fucking clue. And what's more, no-one's really interested in having a clue, just in what makes them feel good, even at the expense of other's feelings.

BAH!

Fireworks

Well, it's official. I'm in love. I am so, so glad that I did go down to watch the Apostle of Hustle and Feist perform at the Harbourfront Centre, and it was easily the best Canada Day ever. Andrew Whiteman, of BSS fame, danced all around the stage, constantly wishing us a happy canada day. It was interesting to see the crowd too, they were a mix of all ethnic groups and all ages. There was an underlying presence of teenaged indie kids. AoH played a great set, that seemed short, filled with great pulsating guitar riffs and latin tap-dance sessions. I can't remember what that's called. Anyway, it was amazing.

We decided to wait until Feist took the stage, instead of taking a break in between the two acts. It was a good idea, as we managed to push up closer to the front and into the seating areas. There was an unfortunate man quite close to me though, I felt like hitting him. He was basically having a bad time and trying to make sure that everyone else around him felt likewise. I ignored him.

People freaked out when she took the stage. She opened with 'when I was a young girl', singing softly into the microphone with no accompaniment at first (the unfortunate man covered his ears, remarking 'is that what you call singing?). She went on and played gatekeeper, mushaboom, secret heart, almost her whole album, closing with piste 6 (lonely, lonely). At one point she stopped to watch the fireworks over the lake, exclaiming that they were shooting out of her heart, and making exploding noises as they burst into the air. She was simply amazing. It's hard to believe that Canada has acts like this, and the majority of people don't know it.

selph

Mmmm, newest addiction: the Perishers. There is something about minor chords that finds a resonance in me. Despite it's simplicity and lack of any real stand-out qualities, I enjoy this music. Even if the majority of the lyrics are crap. Ok, so all of the lyrics are crap. I don't care.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow night. Two great Canadian bands, for free? That's just too good a deal to pass up. I'm hoping it will be an actual good Canada Day, they so rarely are. It's nice to be breaking away from the go-out-with-family-to-some-crappy-hillside-listen-to-bad-music-and-pretend-you're-somewhere-else-while-gazing-longingly-at-fireworks-wishing-that-you-yourself-were-one model of previous July 1st celebrations.

I'm getting wanderlust again. It probably has something to do with stagnance. I don't cope well when the wind stops and everything starts looking paled. I kind of want to take off to japan again. That may just be an excuse. Maybe I'm missing the language, maybe I'm missing the freedom. It's just an excuse.

I thought another random chick today was hot. I don't know what's going on... could it be I have biological drive after all?
Is it sad that I'd almost prefer that that weren't the case?
Perhaps. Once again I find the caring behind this question to be false.

The Smashing Pumpkins may be getting back together. I would appreciate this, I think. I'm not sure if I actually need anything more than adore, to be perfectly honest, the rest seems less.... perfect. Haven't heard too much of his solo stuff yet, amused by his 'biography'. Interestingly, it's not just the content that is painful to the reader, but the actual text itself is so high-contrast that I feel semi-blind after about fifteen minutes. I think he honestly believes he's some sort of legend.

On second thought, I might be able to sympathize. It might just be a symptom of his displeasure with reality. Sometimes it's easier to make the little things in life into big things, because then you don't actually have to deal with them. (cough shitty 'issues bands' cough)

Anyway, that's all for now.

steph at the bright eyes concert a while back 

Stumbeline

It's been a while since I've updated...I've gotten so lazy about this. I know it sounded like I was all bummed out on the last post, but actually it was more like an exorcism, so you can ignore it or I'll just delete it.

Also: shit, I just remembered that I had that information session dealie today. How did it come so fast? I hope I can reschedule that..... otherwise I might just be a bit screwed for university.

Oh dear.

Anyway, I went to the Pride Parade on the weekend. I was glad to hang out with steph and courtney for a bit, even though they almost didn't make the train. Fun was had, despite the ungodly heat and smog, and sunburn afterwards. It did kind of re-solidify my distaste for the gay community as represented in said 'parade', but it was fun. They should just call it the lots-of-fat-naked-gay-guys-holding-hands-with-the-occasional-kickass-dragqueen-parade, it would be more accurate. Also, I am once more horrified at the idea of 'bath houses', especially given the volume of visitors I'm sure was present this passed weekend. I guess sex is fun though. Whatev.

That weekend also unfortunately turned out to be the weekend of the bands Liam wanted to see but couldn't. I missed 5 in total that I really wanted to see. All in three days. Sucky, at best.

I'm tired from wandering around downtown so much today. I went seemingly everywhere. I'm not sure what I was looking for but I didn't find it.

Desire is a strange, strange creature. I'm still completely not used to it. Being attracted to random people on the street seems soooo foreign. But it did happen today. Sexual attraction, and that chemistry, is so interesting... it defies logic completely. I'm not used to having my mind over-ridden like that. I think typically I start off with appreciating someone and just generally enjoying their company a lot before I really become attracted to them. Maybe that's why it's so surprising to start off the other way. lol, or in my case, to finish that way.

Ok, that's all for now. I am currently enjoying : Broken Social Scene.