I don't understand how people can live their lives, as themselves, and yet not know anything about themselves as people. It destroys me.

the drifts and dunes

So the day after that I did basically the same thing -> nothing at all. I sat around and just thought all day. But yesterday I went downtown with nicole after work. It was Jenny's last shift with me, which makes me sad, but we had fun. And I managed to drop of this check thing, which was also good. It was in the middle of bumbfuck nowhere, Mississauga though. Quite the hike. Afterwards we went shopping and I bought a new shirt and winter jacket. So I'm pleased with that. Now I have to head out to work but I may blog after.

once like me

I did almost nothing today. I didn't get out of bed until around 12... I didn't really feel like getting up. And when I did I didn't really do anything. Came upstairs, went online. Chatted for a while, downloaded pictures of hot actors male and female. I guess I did manage to get all of Feist's Monarch album. That alone makes the day worthwhile.

I spent a lot of time playing with bronwyn today too. I didn't even really think until today that my moving out will mean me missing out on a lot of her growing up again. I also hadn't considered the fact that I may never move back in. I think that that's exciting. Lately I've been wanting a place of my own more than anything else. I won't be getting that for a while I'm sure, but I guess this is like a step in that direction. I had another dream last night about waking up in a big bed with someone else there. For some reason I associate feelings like that - of companionship, surrender, love, interdependence, with the colour yellow. So all of my dreams that involve those themes are in yellow tones or somehow involve the colour yellow. I think it's the only colour association that I have.

Sometimes I wish there was a 'disarm' button on people... like a secret handshake or a password or something that would make everyone just drop all their walls and skip the shit. I know that's hard... people love their shit... but how awesome would it be if you could just cut through it altogether every now and then? Just two people... connecting without any of their hangups dangling in the rear-view mirror.

raiser

It feels retarded, I want you to like me
Will you be there tonight?
Do you mean it when you say what you say?
Fixing up my hair,
I want to impress you
Today and everyday,
Okay, okay okay, okay

So what do you want?
I want to be careless too
So much waiting, so much sitting alone
When you say what you say,
It's not what I thought, it's really nothing at all
I'm not who you want,
Alright, alright alright, alright

Bunny gamer, stand up, bunny gamer, Where have you been all of my life?
Bunny gamer, take me with you,
Okay, okay okay, okay
Bunny gamer, sit down, bunny gamer,
Where have you been all night?
Bunny gamer, leave me alone,
Alright, alright alright, alright

I don't think I can recall having ever liked xiu xiu this much. It's not even that anything he's written has become especially relevant to me, it's just like all of a sudden I like it a lot more... for no real reason. I've gotten all into posting song lyrics again lately too. I have noticed that. I guess I'm feeling wordy again.

My sweetly torn religion, how does it feel?

I had a good night last night, went downtown with Johan'n'Allan. The bar was packed, and hot, and I hate sweat, but I still had a good time. There was a strange blackout that was unexplained and otherwise unmentioned. It made for amusing times. I enjoyed the just sitting and talking the most, as usual.

This is dissolving rapidly into a series of lines. It's amusing how little sense thoughts make if you consider them each uniquely and without regard of the preceeding and following thoughts. It's like seeing something at a molecular level. What would a post be like if I just wrote all my thoughts as they came? Well... as many as I could and as often as I could. It wouldn't make any sense to anyone but me I don't think.

What a rambler.