A white field covered in snow. I am standing with a boombox in my hands. The music plays over the white, and gradually colour bleeds into the snow like a watercolour landscape.

The CN tower stands in the centre of the city. Roots begin at the bottom and spiral up and around the sides. When they reach the top a bud forms and unfolds, the world’s tallest moonflower.

An angel races up the side of a building. As the pads of his feet hit the concrete the echoes form into scorpions that chase him. When he reaches the top he springs into the air. The tails of the scorpions all meet at one point in his body, and he transforms into light.

An endless beach. I lie on it, absorbing the sun and the sounds of the waves. My outstretched hands find a sand dollar in the surf. I turn it around in my fingers, and see that the ridges and trenches in the bone of the creature match my fingerprint perfectly.

New York, New York

I'm back from my trip... and in kind-of a pupal state. I would like to, if possible, attach my coccoon to the wall of the shower and wait there until all of the grit and grime of the city has collapsed from my pores.

After reviewing the Bjork footage from the Coachella festival, I'm now thinking that I might actually want to joing Rian/Kian at Vfest in September... We'll see. More later.

DECLARE INDEPENDENCE! DONT LET THEM DO THAT TO YOU!
DAMN THE COLONISTS! IGNORE THEIR PATRONIZING! TEAR OFF THE BLINDFOLD!
DECLARE INDEPENDENCE!

***
The girl sits, her face twitching. A spasm? Or perhaps mouthing motions...
replaying a conversation, acting out the dialogue partially with her body,
her eyes closed.
A young Apollo, or perhaps Orpheus, with dark shirt and dark-washed jeans sits close,
clutching CDs in hand. First determined and then just sleepy. Or perhaps fake-sleepy, because he is aware he is being watched.
Ah, his eyes open for an instant, his gaze focused on me until I look up, when his eyes quickly dart to the side.
The two young girls at the other end of the car sit sprawled out, their hair down. They take turns swigging from two water bottles.
One filled with orange juice, the other filled with what must be vodka. My eyes linger too long and they both glare defiantly. So sexual and impatient, even the way they tug their hair as four boys get on.
Another girl in the middle rubs her temples with one hand and scrolls
through her ipod with the other. Trying to find a soothing melody to drown out the voices of the eager twenty-somethings and underage party-girls at the other end.
A woman with glasses reads a book, the cover of which I cannot quite make out... a travel book? Two women with children in strollers get on at Davisville as I talk to Danielle on the phone. They sith with a man in a baggy sweat-suit. Their hands start to w h ir l in the air and I realize
they, or at least one of them, is deaf. The man also enters the handspeak dialogue. A gentleman sitting in front of me gets up to return the hat of one of the children to her,
her mother did not hear the noise she made as it fell. They exchange smiles and the man goes back to his seat. He and his lady-friend continue to smile and discuss the child in the stroller. Her eyes are so large and curious,
I wonder if she has already started learning sign language.

I had some interesting dream last night but I can't remember it right now. It involved skin-suits, where people would put on and take off bodies and identities. An interesting idea. There's no greater entertainment than my subconscious sometimes.

i have come through the voltage and love them still and love them still
i am a beast with many heads and arms rolling
steamroller
we are the earth intruders



There will be a lot of earth intruding going on this summer. Starting with this afternoon, I am going on a walk before work. New York is now officially planned for May 31st - June 3rd. It will include a Central Park picnic, architecture sightings, and Manhattans on patios.

you through
black ice
at the bottom of the river

I love how thoroughly layered all of the tracks on American Doll Posse are. I can guess which song is sung by which character just from the mythological references alone. I think I identify most with Pip. --->
I guess that's fitting, because she is Athena and about how dark energy is not necessarily negative, but perhaps only less rosey-coloured. I think it's necessary in times like these to be more forward and more physical with our environs - be they political, social or personal. The stakes just keep getting higher.

It's going to be sunny for the next 4 days. Let's enjoy it.

I'm going in. Wish me luck.

it's too . too easy. it's too . too easy to wish you harm

Supposedly studying
On a related note,
Things I medicate myself with:

Lost in Translation
Passion tea (sometimes with honey)
the sleeping breathing noises of my sisters
the ocean
Vespertine
wind blowing through pine trees
the smell of davey
stucco ceilings

Rant rant rant, song song song

Today after work I was told by a regular customer/acquaintance that I was "outwardly gay" or something along those lines. I think most people know my views on the topic, but I'm going to re-hash the same old argument again anyway, as well as share a few new paranoid tangents.

I am so tired of having people put me in their little mental shoeboxes. Maybe I need to clarify that... moreso than I'm sick of people putting me in boxes, because I can understand the basic human need to define things based on what one already knows, I'm sick of them projecting shit on me. They first give me some sort of label, and then they define all of my behaviours based around that definition. If there is some sort of behaviour or output that is not in their lexicon, they just shove it under that umbrella definition. Or worse, they take something else out from under that umbrella that has nothing to do with me and equate it in their minds with me. This alone pisses me off.

But what I'm more afraid of is that eventually, having all of this shit pushed on me is going to somehow affect the way I behave. What if I'm somehow absorbing all of it in my sub-conscious mind and slowly letting it seep into my behavioural patterns?


In other news, my noise floor album is here, and I love it. Especially the song motion sickness.

The List

Go to New York
Have weekly cooking nights
Make clothing (7/7/7)
Make more white people friends
Go camping
Have breakfasts/brunch/outings to St.Lawrence Market
MORE DISTILLERY
Eat at Little India

umbra

Today is a lazy day. I didn't get up until 11:45, and have done not much other than put in a load of laundry and watch Thumbsucker. Watching it, and more specifically the interaction between Justin and Mike, I got to thinking about my own relationship with my father. In the film, Mike finds it impossible to acknowledge to anyone, not just how he deals with things, but that he feels anything at all. He asks his children to call him by his first name, because his kids calling him dad makes him feel old. He couldn't express his emotions because he was afraid of being seen as weak, but ironically was seen as weak by his children because of it. My own father says 'I'm proud of you' much more often than he says 'I love you'. Are these the same things? I've often wondered that. Which is not to say that I wonder if my father loves me or not, just to say that I wonder if the ideas that he communicates with these phrases are the same in his mind.

Update: the difference between being proud and loving... one centres around the feelings of others, and the other on one's own feelings?
I'll update more on this later, I forgot my train of thought while I was folding laundry.

Right now I'm sipping coffee and watching Sophie Scholl: the Final Days on TV. It's an interesting film about a girl who resisted Hitler's Third Reich during the war from inside of Germany. Besides being a character portrait, the movie brings into focus the concept of people dying for ideas. I still haven't decided where I stand on this issue. There are those who feel that ideas are the only things worth dying for, because they are eternal and inspirational and denote or embody change. And on the other hand there are those who feel that there is no greater waste of human life, because the only reasonable use of it is for the sake of preserving another human life.

meets the back, the back and beyond.

it's four AM and I can't sleep. i'm not even completely sure that i want to. i wish that i was standing knee-deep in the lake and that my hair was blue. the snow is around me and it is taking me home.

haha, it's the ether.

soko ni aru shinda karada wa maru de suteyoyo

itami wa me wo kuchau gurai takaku nattekita kara

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa8*****