In the dream I am running; toward or away from someone I do not know. The air is heavy but dry, in the manner of a Tornado Alley summer before the clouds broke. There are cicadas and the road is dirt, the trees on my left have grey, cracked bark but the woods seem full. All of my surroundings seem saturated. The buzzing in my ears is deafening and my legs hurt. They are seizing up. And then I am pulled from myself and see my body from the side running. There is a bird, with white plumed feathers falling from it's tail over the side of the branch overhead. I look up, distracted by the colour. A shot rings out, tearing through the top of my rib cage on my right side. My head is tilted up as I fall, catching a last glimpse of the bird as it flutters away from the commotion. The momentum of the bullet carries me further a half-step, then I collapse into the dirt. I can vaguely hear some sort of sonata, a piano, only playing backwards so that the sound resonates the wrong way. I can see the blood pooling in front of my face. Dry soil gathers and flows on top of the redness.
*************************************************************************************
Things fall apart.
?????????????
??????????
????????????????
????????????????????????
?????????
??????????
???????????
???????
????????????????????
????????????????????????????
????????????????????????
Your figure, dancing is slowly embraced entirely by the light.
**********************************************************************************
Her name was Cheryl
Black hair like electric space
She would pretty paint my face
She was a very good friend
Her father would come to her in the night.
She was 12 years old
Sometimes the words you don't say are the ones that hit the hardest. The song 'names' by cat power is killing me right now, but I like it. I'm not sure what to say but I think I'm more or less numb at this point. I am so angry, mostly at life itself. I'm tired of analyzing and re-analyzing all of my actions, trying to find the formula so I can fix it and stop failing. Oh Mr.Gallo, please come and take me away.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
The Landing
I do mean being helped down and being earthed, but also that space between the staircases where you can look up and down, or just watch the light filtering through the dust of the skylight. I hope that my future includes a skylight, and lots of interesting earthenware mugs. It's 11:48 and really I should be tired, I was up at 5:20 this morning to take a taxi to work. Today was crazily busy, I was on my feet all the time, I couldn't sleep last night. But still, here I sit in front of the computer, connected to my ipod and buzzing and humming in my own little way.
I don't blame you
I think every argument, tangent and soliloque that I ever garble, extrapolate or misinterpret on this blog is a microwaved re-hash or a previous diatribe of a poorly communicated idea. So none of it has any point or value. Just so you know.
I kind of feel like heading down south, bumbling around south carolina for a bit. Re-tracing the steps of a few people I never knew. Or maybe Maine, that's always a safe bet. Hop around Bar Harbour, collect sand dollars and tap along the surf. Maybe it's that ocean-call again. Or maybe it's just fall. Why do I only post stuff about my craving for nature? Isn't that a weird concept; having a strong urge to be outdoors or be in nature and solve it by sitting down at the computer? Where's the sense in that?
Bands/Artists you need to check out include:
Cat Power
Neko Case
Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins
Tilly and the Wall
Bands/Artists I need to check out include:
?
Metric were ok at the UofT orientation, they were about an hour late and didn't bother to play a promised encore. Also they all seemed kinda tired. But c'est la vie. Looking back, I kind of wish that I had left and gone to see Volver with Rian instead... because obviously it would have been an amazing movie. Oh well, spilt milk.
I never meant to be the needle that broke your back
you were here you were here you were here
don't look back
If you could be reborn as anything, including inanimate or non-living objects, what would you come back as?
I think I would want to be something simple, like a ripple or a breeze.
I do mean being helped down and being earthed, but also that space between the staircases where you can look up and down, or just watch the light filtering through the dust of the skylight. I hope that my future includes a skylight, and lots of interesting earthenware mugs. It's 11:48 and really I should be tired, I was up at 5:20 this morning to take a taxi to work. Today was crazily busy, I was on my feet all the time, I couldn't sleep last night. But still, here I sit in front of the computer, connected to my ipod and buzzing and humming in my own little way.
I don't blame you
I think every argument, tangent and soliloque that I ever garble, extrapolate or misinterpret on this blog is a microwaved re-hash or a previous diatribe of a poorly communicated idea. So none of it has any point or value. Just so you know.
I kind of feel like heading down south, bumbling around south carolina for a bit. Re-tracing the steps of a few people I never knew. Or maybe Maine, that's always a safe bet. Hop around Bar Harbour, collect sand dollars and tap along the surf. Maybe it's that ocean-call again. Or maybe it's just fall. Why do I only post stuff about my craving for nature? Isn't that a weird concept; having a strong urge to be outdoors or be in nature and solve it by sitting down at the computer? Where's the sense in that?
Bands/Artists you need to check out include:
Cat Power
Neko Case
Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins
Tilly and the Wall
Bands/Artists I need to check out include:
?
Metric were ok at the UofT orientation, they were about an hour late and didn't bother to play a promised encore. Also they all seemed kinda tired. But c'est la vie. Looking back, I kind of wish that I had left and gone to see Volver with Rian instead... because obviously it would have been an amazing movie. Oh well, spilt milk.
I never meant to be the needle that broke your back
you were here you were here you were here
don't look back
If you could be reborn as anything, including inanimate or non-living objects, what would you come back as?
I think I would want to be something simple, like a ripple or a breeze.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Ice Water
Like I heard her Backwards saying
I can take one thousand Showers
And never be clean Of course she lied awake
She is ten times heavier, Stronger, then you'll ever be, Or ever was, His goddamn name
You know what I need,Who doesn't lie?
You know what I mean, If it never ends
Without you, Like you don't know
I am so, angry
I am so, at ease
I feel just like
Some great big disease
I think you need
Ice water
But the only thing that
You really hate
Is all its emptiness
Ah, you'll swim
And I will drink myself to Death
If I'm never in Doubt of you
Like you don't know
Walking home in the rain and the wind I thought only about the way it felt on my skin and the remeniscence of you in it. The way that even when I've forgotten, the rain always remembers your name, and all of theirs as well. There's an assurity in the ever-presence of the wind, and even in it's silence, it's cradling me in some small way. And the manner this moment passes, the way the shadows evaporate and the feelings die I feel aware in some removed place that this instant will echo forever in some hallow of time. Everything is familiar. I've died here, I was raised here, I will be born here and I am alive here.
Like I heard her Backwards saying
I can take one thousand Showers
And never be clean Of course she lied awake
She is ten times heavier, Stronger, then you'll ever be, Or ever was, His goddamn name
You know what I need,Who doesn't lie?
You know what I mean, If it never ends
Without you, Like you don't know
I am so, angry
I am so, at ease
I feel just like
Some great big disease
I think you need
Ice water
But the only thing that
You really hate
Is all its emptiness
Ah, you'll swim
And I will drink myself to Death
If I'm never in Doubt of you
Like you don't know
Walking home in the rain and the wind I thought only about the way it felt on my skin and the remeniscence of you in it. The way that even when I've forgotten, the rain always remembers your name, and all of theirs as well. There's an assurity in the ever-presence of the wind, and even in it's silence, it's cradling me in some small way. And the manner this moment passes, the way the shadows evaporate and the feelings die I feel aware in some removed place that this instant will echo forever in some hallow of time. Everything is familiar. I've died here, I was raised here, I will be born here and I am alive here.
Monday, August 28, 2006
the sand between my toes
Those natural needs are so strange, don't you think? Like that natural urge for the sea, that distinct calm that comes with the sound of waves. They feel almost unnatural because of our innability to explain where they're coming from, but really they are some of the most natural desires that I can name. And I'm a-hankering! I've been to the Beach(es)... I'm just going to call it the Beaches, twice in the past week. Lake Ontario is a bit of a poor substitute for the Ocean really, but it fulfills some of those innate needs in the same way. Me and Davey will go down and wander around on the beach or just sit for a few hours and collect beach glass or nice rocks or whatever. It's very calming. And I can't wait for fall!
The area itself is very nice as well, there are a bunch of quaint little restaurants around, and nice little independent coffee shops as well as a handful of corporate ones. Almost everyone seems to be walking some sort of dog... which brings me to my next point of news: New Puppy! She's an adorable little Black Lab puppy, and her name is Willie. And she bit my face and chewed on my shoe, which is a good sign! I have decided that she will be good friends with the cats so that they won't have to descend into their shadow-homes again for another year.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do today. Originally I thought I'd be hanging out with Crimson but I haven't heard from her so I guess that's up. I have to pay the first installment of my tuition and then maybe I'll head down to Front Street or the Distillery? It seems kind of lame to hang out around there by myself, especially without my camera. Oh well, we'll see...
Those natural needs are so strange, don't you think? Like that natural urge for the sea, that distinct calm that comes with the sound of waves. They feel almost unnatural because of our innability to explain where they're coming from, but really they are some of the most natural desires that I can name. And I'm a-hankering! I've been to the Beach(es)... I'm just going to call it the Beaches, twice in the past week. Lake Ontario is a bit of a poor substitute for the Ocean really, but it fulfills some of those innate needs in the same way. Me and Davey will go down and wander around on the beach or just sit for a few hours and collect beach glass or nice rocks or whatever. It's very calming. And I can't wait for fall!
The area itself is very nice as well, there are a bunch of quaint little restaurants around, and nice little independent coffee shops as well as a handful of corporate ones. Almost everyone seems to be walking some sort of dog... which brings me to my next point of news: New Puppy! She's an adorable little Black Lab puppy, and her name is Willie. And she bit my face and chewed on my shoe, which is a good sign! I have decided that she will be good friends with the cats so that they won't have to descend into their shadow-homes again for another year.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do today. Originally I thought I'd be hanging out with Crimson but I haven't heard from her so I guess that's up. I have to pay the first installment of my tuition and then maybe I'll head down to Front Street or the Distillery? It seems kind of lame to hang out around there by myself, especially without my camera. Oh well, we'll see...
Sunday, August 20, 2006
All my blue skies are ripped at the seams
There are three new planets. Xena, Charon & Ceres. The universe really can change overnight.
...when I wake up a second time in his arms gorgeousnesshesstillinsideme
I'm supposed to be sleeping, I should be sleeping. But I slept too much last night, and my brain moves too fast and plays too many tricks on me to let me fall asleep when I need to. And she's telling me that if I just lean into the crack it will tremble softly but... I feel more like I'm falling through if anything and if it's not meant to be a strife or a struggle then how come it is? And don't feed me that shit about trying too hard and surrendering because we all know that's way too scary to even dip your toes in let alone dive blindfolded. But it's just one of those moments, y'know? When every atom in my legs, every molecule on my armhair is screaming and crackling alive for just the slightest breeze to shift the silt. But all there is is the most vast, the barest field with the darkest clouds and not one drop of relief.
And why can't it just be ideal? Would that really be such a problem?
The best, my favourite part about it all, is that after five hours of sleep my brain will have flushed these chemicals out of my system and I can continue like it was all some embarassing drunken night.
There are three new planets. Xena, Charon & Ceres. The universe really can change overnight.
...when I wake up a second time in his arms gorgeousnesshesstillinsideme
I'm supposed to be sleeping, I should be sleeping. But I slept too much last night, and my brain moves too fast and plays too many tricks on me to let me fall asleep when I need to. And she's telling me that if I just lean into the crack it will tremble softly but... I feel more like I'm falling through if anything and if it's not meant to be a strife or a struggle then how come it is? And don't feed me that shit about trying too hard and surrendering because we all know that's way too scary to even dip your toes in let alone dive blindfolded. But it's just one of those moments, y'know? When every atom in my legs, every molecule on my armhair is screaming and crackling alive for just the slightest breeze to shift the silt. But all there is is the most vast, the barest field with the darkest clouds and not one drop of relief.
And why can't it just be ideal? Would that really be such a problem?
The best, my favourite part about it all, is that after five hours of sleep my brain will have flushed these chemicals out of my system and I can continue like it was all some embarassing drunken night.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Fall in the City
Chill'uns! Fall is a-comin'!
And I can't wait. Besides the pressures (financial and otherwise) associated with school, pretty soon it's going to be sweater weather! No more disgusting stickiness, plain tank tops, shorts or sandals...
You know how people have comfort food? I have comfort clothes. And they are all long-sleeved. There's also a certain romance to Autumn that puts a nice glaze on daily wear-and-tear.
Chill'uns! Fall is a-comin'!
And I can't wait. Besides the pressures (financial and otherwise) associated with school, pretty soon it's going to be sweater weather! No more disgusting stickiness, plain tank tops, shorts or sandals...
You know how people have comfort food? I have comfort clothes. And they are all long-sleeved. There's also a certain romance to Autumn that puts a nice glaze on daily wear-and-tear.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Oh no that ain't what I said,
Oh no that ain't what I said
Hey folks! It's been forever and about eight years, I know. I am sorry to admit that I am a bad blogger. I hope not too many people rely on this to check up on me or communicate or whatever... because I'm usually nowhere near a computer or home or anywhere like that these days.
Today's forecast: Grey skies, a look back and a look foreward, guarded calm, money worries.
Phoenix only just manages to calm my money seizures the slightest bit. My hours at work have been cut back drastically! I'm getting really anxious because it feels like this is becoming Pickering all over again... I started off with 40 hours + a week, and now, on the next schedule, I have NINETEEN hours. NINETEEN. I have the LEAST number of hours out of anyone in the store, INCLUDING the new people who can't even make drinks yet and the people who SPECIFICALLY booked time off this week.
WTF!
Next week I am working, ahem,................. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. On Tuesday, I have a THREE hour shift. THREE hours. I almost feel insulted. You know, it wouldn't be as big a deal if I didn't have a shred of ego working at this store... I mean, what's the point in working hard and trying to be the best if you're only going to be rewarded with the shittiest shifts in the store? Two years of service = the least amount of hours possible, constantly being passed over for promotions (which is another issue altogether), and only ever either opening or closing. I'm one of the only baristas with open availability, I have the most experience out of all of them (with possibly the exception of two, who both have extremely limited availability), and again, just like in Pickering, I feel like I'm just being used for it without really being rewarded at all. UGH!
Normally it wouldn't be as bothersome but I just got my $5,325 invoice in the mail from lovely UofT, so I have a big deadline looming and a large sum of money I have to be paying off, not including books, not to mention the stress of moving into an all-new program that will probably have a much huger workload.
Davey's getting shafted in the same way... he's also only working three days next week, which is I suppose somehow good for us? I dunno... we'll see how that works out. I'd like to be able to pick up some shifts at other stores.
Anyway, as I mentioned, I'm moving into some new programs : Political Science and the Dr.David Chu Program for Asia-Pacific Studies. I really really hope that turns out well; I think it's a little more tailored to what I could see myself doing in the future: some form of diplomatic work, or something to do with international relations, or possibly even law school.
On another note, my best friend Chris just left my house yesterday. I had been staying in Whitby for a few days in a row, and luckily had a very large amount of time off in a row (yay!), and only had to return to downtown once on Monday to work a FOUR hour shift and find out about next weeks shafty schedule. Can you tell I'm bitter about that?
We spent most of the time playing video games in the basement, which was kind of nice as a change of pace from constantly running around downtown. He's one of those kids that I never really feel all that distanced from, as he pointed out. Time passes, but it doesn't especially feel like it's growing between us. We had late-night talks that were good but I kinda wish we had had more time and maybe been able to zoom around the province.
On the whole, things are going well. I never did upload those photos, but maybe I will eventually. See ya around.
Oh no that ain't what I said
Hey folks! It's been forever and about eight years, I know. I am sorry to admit that I am a bad blogger. I hope not too many people rely on this to check up on me or communicate or whatever... because I'm usually nowhere near a computer or home or anywhere like that these days.
Today's forecast: Grey skies, a look back and a look foreward, guarded calm, money worries.
Phoenix only just manages to calm my money seizures the slightest bit. My hours at work have been cut back drastically! I'm getting really anxious because it feels like this is becoming Pickering all over again... I started off with 40 hours + a week, and now, on the next schedule, I have NINETEEN hours. NINETEEN. I have the LEAST number of hours out of anyone in the store, INCLUDING the new people who can't even make drinks yet and the people who SPECIFICALLY booked time off this week.
WTF!
Next week I am working, ahem,................. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. On Tuesday, I have a THREE hour shift. THREE hours. I almost feel insulted. You know, it wouldn't be as big a deal if I didn't have a shred of ego working at this store... I mean, what's the point in working hard and trying to be the best if you're only going to be rewarded with the shittiest shifts in the store? Two years of service = the least amount of hours possible, constantly being passed over for promotions (which is another issue altogether), and only ever either opening or closing. I'm one of the only baristas with open availability, I have the most experience out of all of them (with possibly the exception of two, who both have extremely limited availability), and again, just like in Pickering, I feel like I'm just being used for it without really being rewarded at all. UGH!
Normally it wouldn't be as bothersome but I just got my $5,325 invoice in the mail from lovely UofT, so I have a big deadline looming and a large sum of money I have to be paying off, not including books, not to mention the stress of moving into an all-new program that will probably have a much huger workload.
Davey's getting shafted in the same way... he's also only working three days next week, which is I suppose somehow good for us? I dunno... we'll see how that works out. I'd like to be able to pick up some shifts at other stores.
Anyway, as I mentioned, I'm moving into some new programs : Political Science and the Dr.David Chu Program for Asia-Pacific Studies. I really really hope that turns out well; I think it's a little more tailored to what I could see myself doing in the future: some form of diplomatic work, or something to do with international relations, or possibly even law school.
On another note, my best friend Chris just left my house yesterday. I had been staying in Whitby for a few days in a row, and luckily had a very large amount of time off in a row (yay!), and only had to return to downtown once on Monday to work a FOUR hour shift and find out about next weeks shafty schedule. Can you tell I'm bitter about that?
We spent most of the time playing video games in the basement, which was kind of nice as a change of pace from constantly running around downtown. He's one of those kids that I never really feel all that distanced from, as he pointed out. Time passes, but it doesn't especially feel like it's growing between us. We had late-night talks that were good but I kinda wish we had had more time and maybe been able to zoom around the province.
On the whole, things are going well. I never did upload those photos, but maybe I will eventually. See ya around.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Glad You're On my Side
Hey guys
I've been back for a while now actually. I haven't uploaded pictures yet though, because my laptop has been going progressively more and more slowly lately and I don't really want to load more stuff onto it for fear that it will just completely crash and all of my memorable pictures will be destroyed.
Lately life has consisted of much house-wife-y behaviour; sweeping and vaccuuming the whole house (which is a lot of work considering all of the cat hair that has piled up), grocery shopping without a car, planning meals, watering plants, maintaining the hot tub, etc.
Hey guys
I've been back for a while now actually. I haven't uploaded pictures yet though, because my laptop has been going progressively more and more slowly lately and I don't really want to load more stuff onto it for fear that it will just completely crash and all of my memorable pictures will be destroyed.
Lately life has consisted of much house-wife-y behaviour; sweeping and vaccuuming the whole house (which is a lot of work considering all of the cat hair that has piled up), grocery shopping without a car, planning meals, watering plants, maintaining the hot tub, etc.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Saturday, July 08, 2006
We Don't Need to Fight and Cry
I haven't updated in so long. Mostly because I have been CRAZY busy with work. I've only had two days off in the past two weeks and going now. But honestly, I need it! I missed a whole month of work thanks to mono, so now I have to try and make it up. And if that means taking it to the streets, well heh heh heh....
My poor laptop is getting slower and slower. I think it's choking on pictures and songs; it wasn't really made to be a 'media computer', like all new computers these day seem to be.
What have I been downloading you ask? Some newer discoveries include Phoenix, the Paris-based newest addition to Arts & Crafts, Love Psychedelico, a charming Japanese 60's-inspired duo, as well as Amnesiac by Radiohead, an album I had been sadly lacking. Also a recording of Mushaboom that was a duet between Feist and Conor Oberst. He can not sing... and attempting it beside the likes of Feist only serves to highlight the fact. While his non-singing can sometimes be charming or useful for filling out the emotion of a lyric, it doesn't work for mushaboom and he sort-of slurs drunkenly in a style remeniscent of Lover I Don't Have to Love. Boo.
In other news, recording on the new Tori Amos album is, according to drummer Matt Chamberlain, finished. So now I supposed only mastering and re-takes remain, but the album is rumoured to be slated for a Spring '07 release... which is annoying. But perhaps the Rarities collection box set will be enough to tide toriphiles over.
I've been experimenting a lot with my hair lately, going from curly styles to mohawks to spikes, and ultimately all I concluded was that I need to dye or highlight it because it is boring.
I'm having a lot of fun at work lately, owing mostly to the fact that I enjoy everyone that I work with, regardless of the relatively higher volume of customers than my old store. I'm sort-of considering trying for a promotion, and I'll be talking about it with my assistant manager a bit more later. Anyway, it's just generally going well.
I'm gonna take off now, but hopefully I'll be in touch again soon.
and I thought OEDIPUS OEDIPUS OEDIPUS....
I haven't updated in so long. Mostly because I have been CRAZY busy with work. I've only had two days off in the past two weeks and going now. But honestly, I need it! I missed a whole month of work thanks to mono, so now I have to try and make it up. And if that means taking it to the streets, well heh heh heh....
My poor laptop is getting slower and slower. I think it's choking on pictures and songs; it wasn't really made to be a 'media computer', like all new computers these day seem to be.
What have I been downloading you ask? Some newer discoveries include Phoenix, the Paris-based newest addition to Arts & Crafts, Love Psychedelico, a charming Japanese 60's-inspired duo, as well as Amnesiac by Radiohead, an album I had been sadly lacking. Also a recording of Mushaboom that was a duet between Feist and Conor Oberst. He can not sing... and attempting it beside the likes of Feist only serves to highlight the fact. While his non-singing can sometimes be charming or useful for filling out the emotion of a lyric, it doesn't work for mushaboom and he sort-of slurs drunkenly in a style remeniscent of Lover I Don't Have to Love. Boo.
In other news, recording on the new Tori Amos album is, according to drummer Matt Chamberlain, finished. So now I supposed only mastering and re-takes remain, but the album is rumoured to be slated for a Spring '07 release... which is annoying. But perhaps the Rarities collection box set will be enough to tide toriphiles over.
I've been experimenting a lot with my hair lately, going from curly styles to mohawks to spikes, and ultimately all I concluded was that I need to dye or highlight it because it is boring.
I'm having a lot of fun at work lately, owing mostly to the fact that I enjoy everyone that I work with, regardless of the relatively higher volume of customers than my old store. I'm sort-of considering trying for a promotion, and I'll be talking about it with my assistant manager a bit more later. Anyway, it's just generally going well.
I'm gonna take off now, but hopefully I'll be in touch again soon.
and I thought OEDIPUS OEDIPUS OEDIPUS....
Sunday, June 25, 2006
*This post has been edited, then deleted, and then re-put up as per request. Read at your own risk.
I hate Pride
Ok, so I got back from the Olympic island concert with Feist and Broken Social Scene and Bloc Party and all those kids, and when I start coming close to Davey's apartment I begin to feel this pit of negativity in my stomach that just grows and grows as the elevator climbs floors. He was already tipsy by the time I got here, and I hate dealing with drunk people when I'm sober. And I hate fags, and they are fucking everywhere right now. And I resent not being able to drink because of fucking mono. And I'm just not in a place to deal with any of this because I'm already having huge issues right now with my identity; with living a sort-of double life, with my hatred of my own cynicism and negativity but inability to change it, with my extremely ambiguous and fluctuating sexuality, with my capacity (or lack thereof) to accept love, with my indecesiveness and uncertainty about my future and what I'm FUCKING doing with my life...
I realized on the way to meet up with some of davey's friends that I can't handle the gay community, or any facet of it that I have encountered, without killing my brain with alcohol. Lube 'er up with tequila, then try to have fun.
Leaving the pizza pizza some random faggot old man remarked oh-so-wittily 'smile girlfriend! what's the matter with you?' and tried to touch me. What the FUCK makes you think it's ok to touch me? Because it's your holiday? FUCK YOU. I don't go around groping you on fucking earth day do I? So why would that be ok now?
I hate Pride
Ok, so I got back from the Olympic island concert with Feist and Broken Social Scene and Bloc Party and all those kids, and when I start coming close to Davey's apartment I begin to feel this pit of negativity in my stomach that just grows and grows as the elevator climbs floors. He was already tipsy by the time I got here, and I hate dealing with drunk people when I'm sober. And I hate fags, and they are fucking everywhere right now. And I resent not being able to drink because of fucking mono. And I'm just not in a place to deal with any of this because I'm already having huge issues right now with my identity; with living a sort-of double life, with my hatred of my own cynicism and negativity but inability to change it, with my extremely ambiguous and fluctuating sexuality, with my capacity (or lack thereof) to accept love, with my indecesiveness and uncertainty about my future and what I'm FUCKING doing with my life...
I realized on the way to meet up with some of davey's friends that I can't handle the gay community, or any facet of it that I have encountered, without killing my brain with alcohol. Lube 'er up with tequila, then try to have fun.
Leaving the pizza pizza some random faggot old man remarked oh-so-wittily 'smile girlfriend! what's the matter with you?' and tried to touch me. What the FUCK makes you think it's ok to touch me? Because it's your holiday? FUCK YOU. I don't go around groping you on fucking earth day do I? So why would that be ok now?
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Gruff Rhys
So I went to go see Bright Eyes last night, as a birthday present from Jackman, and to my surprise, Conor was SOBER. Or at least seemed sober. It was kind of a relief actually, and I think it might have had something to do with him dating Maria Taylor of Azure Ray fame. She was also the drummer for this particular show, another thing I was surprised at. I think her backing vocals added a lot to the overall performance. It was good, mostly. There were a few songs I was disappointed at, specifically Lover I don't have to Love, which didn't fit in with this setlist at all, and was half-mumbled in the MIDDLE of the show. But they also played I think 3 new songs, all of which sounded good, along with a few rarities like Well Whiskey and Laura Laurent.
I was pleasantly surprised by the opening act! Gruff Rhys, who usually plays as part of South Wales's Super Furry Animals took the stage and entertained us through a number of songs. His use of a loop pedal was hilarious, looping fake bird sounds, 'artificial bagpipes', drum beats and breathing noises. I have to get my hands on his album.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Sea Lion Woman::: Relletelat
Whoever invented Feist Live is a god/Goddess. Everyone should hear Sea Lion Woman and When I Was a Young Girl from Live at Park West. Because they are god.
Laugh to erase the dirt from your mind...
Today is kind of a grey day, but that's ok because I have enough happy saved up to block the rays. Yesterday and the day before that I was really sick, but only at night for some reason. It was like around 8 PM I just got this really high fever and became incapable of movement. So Dave cooked for me and fed me drugs in bed. It was very sweet. I slept from about 9:30 PM to 9:30 AM and woke up feeling refreshed and ready for the... bleak dank & damp day. I showered and shaved and all that good stuff and then went down to osgoode station to pick up tickets for X3 tonight at the paramount. I really hope it'll be good as X-Men represents a very large portion of my childhood playing. And then walking back to the station I ran into my co-worker MJ who is crazily sweet and so cute walking with two of her friends, so she asked me to ride the subway with them which I did, and a good time was had by all.
I thought any number of horrid things whilst strutting Queen West. It made me grateful that no-one (at least no-one who tells me about it) can hear my thoughts. Also it re-affirmed my stern belief that I am a horrible person.
All the blonde is gone from my hair, so now it's mostly dark again. Which is a relief.
Yesterday I went to this amazing japanese place on King called Hiro's Sushi. It is SO good! But disclaimer: not for those light of changepurse. It's like... a real restaurant. (By this I mean there is a menu that changes everyday and the dishes are actually innovative) And Hiro was actually there, which I've heard makes the food a lot better. I had this cool little Asparagus Tofu creation along with six pieces of Ume Maki and the BEST vegetable tempura I have ever had. The ambience was amazing, straight down to the homemade tea cups with 'hiro sushi' glazed onto them. But it was quite the kick in the wallet. But then the shocked reaction I got when I thanked them and said see ya later in japanese made it almost worth it. Definitely a great place to go for an every now and then type meal. Not some place you could go once a week like Konnichiwa.
Movies I have seen lately:
Transamerica (v.good)
DaVinci Code (v.not)
Howl's Moving Castle(Haoru no Ugoku Shiro) (good - ok)
Nana (hmm. ok)
Ima, Ai ni Yukimasu (good)
Music I have been ipod'ing lately:
Yeah Yeah Yeah's - Show Your Bones / Fever to Tell
Metric - Live it Out / Old World Underground
Feist - Live at Park West / Open Season
L'Arc~en~Ciel - AWAKE
Cocco - Whatever random stuff I can find
Chrono Cross OST
The new Starbucks is pretty good! Still fairly stressful, I hate closing there because there is so much to do and it is impossible to get out on time. Opening is also kinda a pain in the ass because the pastry stack is actually taller than I am. Everything is done very by-the-book, but I'm confident that I'll eventually adjust to the pace and get motoring.
..............I know I know you tried to change things, I know I know you tried to change, I know , I know.
Whoever invented Feist Live is a god/Goddess. Everyone should hear Sea Lion Woman and When I Was a Young Girl from Live at Park West. Because they are god.
Laugh to erase the dirt from your mind...
Today is kind of a grey day, but that's ok because I have enough happy saved up to block the rays. Yesterday and the day before that I was really sick, but only at night for some reason. It was like around 8 PM I just got this really high fever and became incapable of movement. So Dave cooked for me and fed me drugs in bed. It was very sweet. I slept from about 9:30 PM to 9:30 AM and woke up feeling refreshed and ready for the... bleak dank & damp day. I showered and shaved and all that good stuff and then went down to osgoode station to pick up tickets for X3 tonight at the paramount. I really hope it'll be good as X-Men represents a very large portion of my childhood playing. And then walking back to the station I ran into my co-worker MJ who is crazily sweet and so cute walking with two of her friends, so she asked me to ride the subway with them which I did, and a good time was had by all.
I thought any number of horrid things whilst strutting Queen West. It made me grateful that no-one (at least no-one who tells me about it) can hear my thoughts. Also it re-affirmed my stern belief that I am a horrible person.
All the blonde is gone from my hair, so now it's mostly dark again. Which is a relief.
Yesterday I went to this amazing japanese place on King called Hiro's Sushi. It is SO good! But disclaimer: not for those light of changepurse. It's like... a real restaurant. (By this I mean there is a menu that changes everyday and the dishes are actually innovative) And Hiro was actually there, which I've heard makes the food a lot better. I had this cool little Asparagus Tofu creation along with six pieces of Ume Maki and the BEST vegetable tempura I have ever had. The ambience was amazing, straight down to the homemade tea cups with 'hiro sushi' glazed onto them. But it was quite the kick in the wallet. But then the shocked reaction I got when I thanked them and said see ya later in japanese made it almost worth it. Definitely a great place to go for an every now and then type meal. Not some place you could go once a week like Konnichiwa.
Movies I have seen lately:
Transamerica (v.good)
DaVinci Code (v.not)
Howl's Moving Castle(Haoru no Ugoku Shiro) (good - ok)
Nana (hmm. ok)
Ima, Ai ni Yukimasu (good)
Music I have been ipod'ing lately:
Yeah Yeah Yeah's - Show Your Bones / Fever to Tell
Metric - Live it Out / Old World Underground
Feist - Live at Park West / Open Season
L'Arc~en~Ciel - AWAKE
Cocco - Whatever random stuff I can find
Chrono Cross OST
The new Starbucks is pretty good! Still fairly stressful, I hate closing there because there is so much to do and it is impossible to get out on time. Opening is also kinda a pain in the ass because the pastry stack is actually taller than I am. Everything is done very by-the-book, but I'm confident that I'll eventually adjust to the pace and get motoring.
..............I know I know you tried to change things, I know I know you tried to change, I know , I know.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
I haven't posted in like a month. That is madness.
Uhh I don't have too too much to say. School is out. Thank GOD! I've started at my new store, and it is BUSY. At least ... three times? as busy as Pickering was. Everyone seems to be good too. I'm spending a lot of time in there though, I need to get out and see some people. Getting my hair cut tomorrow, and I hope it'll be a sunny day so I can wander around.
Anyway, that's all for now. Ciao bellas.
Uhh I don't have too too much to say. School is out. Thank GOD! I've started at my new store, and it is BUSY. At least ... three times? as busy as Pickering was. Everyone seems to be good too. I'm spending a lot of time in there though, I need to get out and see some people. Getting my hair cut tomorrow, and I hope it'll be a sunny day so I can wander around.
Anyway, that's all for now. Ciao bellas.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
wildly
I went to the final fantasy concert on sunday night. It was really good, as usual, this time he was solo. Which, naturally, didn't stop him from beautifully rendering a bunch of songs off of 'he poos clouds'. Also the CD was for sale there... and as far as I know it's not coming out until May 16th, so it was cool to get that. And I met Owen Pallett again in a really random sequence of events. Basically this person filming one of his performances was leaning on me and turned to me to say hello. I was glaring at them but I said hello back anyway. Anyway, long story short this person brought me 'backstage' after the concert and I got my cd signed this time. I'm kinda worried he's gonna end up thinking I'm a creepy stalker kid or something.
I went to the final fantasy concert on sunday night. It was really good, as usual, this time he was solo. Which, naturally, didn't stop him from beautifully rendering a bunch of songs off of 'he poos clouds'. Also the CD was for sale there... and as far as I know it's not coming out until May 16th, so it was cool to get that. And I met Owen Pallett again in a really random sequence of events. Basically this person filming one of his performances was leaning on me and turned to me to say hello. I was glaring at them but I said hello back anyway. Anyway, long story short this person brought me 'backstage' after the concert and I got my cd signed this time. I'm kinda worried he's gonna end up thinking I'm a creepy stalker kid or something.
